Promise?

Chapter 12

She didn't know how long she stood there, her face buried in the crook of his neck, her eyes closed, breathing deeply. She realised that she'd been like that far too long and so decided to let him go. Only, she was reluctant.

And maybe, her reluctance was evident or maybe it wasn't.
He gave her a heartwarming smile and said, "Welcome back."

She didn't really catch the underlying meaning, but she couldn't care enough. Surprisingly, even after being hungover and depressed and currently looking like a mess, she felt good. Light. Better.

It was as if realising that she'd held onto the wrong thing far too long. That she let something matter a lot to her, which shouldn't have really mattered.

And it might have been a bad decision to finally decide to talk to him and try to forgive him, but there wasn't anything else she could do about it.

She had tried being angry and loathing him, she had tried to isolate herself, tried to forget him. But nothing had worked. This couldn't really change anything for worse. It will either remain how it is, or get better, for she knew it couldn't get any worse.

"Hi!" she said a little breezily.

"Hey!" he said. " I came back to return the keys that I borrowed from Erica since you didn't want me to have them. I figured you wouldn't want Erica to have them too now." he said laughing half-heartedly.

" Uhh yeah, thanks. " she said. Then quickly added " Would you like some tea? Or did you have it the other day while you were here?" she asked half joking.

" Actually, I didn't. "

" Then why did you say you wanted some?"

He looked down and scratched his head, feeling a little sheepish. " Because I needed a reason to stay. You wouldn't talk to me otherwise."

She looked at him for a second then asked, "Is that the reason why you came to return the keys then?"

He didn't know what to say. It was part of the reason why he wanted to return the keys. He couldn't decide what to tell her. Since whatever he did, would somehow make her angry. Sometimes he just did not know how.

"Uhh..um.. Yes. Maybe. I mean that's part of the actual reason."

"That's what I thought. Always the one with plans." she said, shaking her head then starting to move towards the kitchen.

"Wait. Where are you going?" he said thinking she was going to pull a similar stunt like she had the last time he was here.

"Geez. Chill out. And you certainly don't need to squeal and shout. I'm nursing a hangover, which you already know about. Anyways, coffee?" she said sifting her fingers through her hair, trying to ease out the knots and simultaneously applying pressure on her scalp to ease her headache a little.

" For starters, nobody is squealing or shouting. And I still do not know why you have to drink so much to be so cranky the next day. And lastly, let me make the coffee, that's the least I can do. Although, I'm not sure if you're still drunk to be talking to me, but hey, I'm not complaining about that."

" All I heard was coffee. You need to talk less really. And don't lecture me."

" I'm the one who needs to talk less? Me? Are you serious?" he said hysterically.

" Yes."

He changed his stance from casual to defensive. " Do I need to remind you that you were the one who could talk endlessly about anything and everything and somehow miraculously joke, crib, complain and entertain simultaneously. "

" were, could. Past tense. " she said moving towards the kitchen, angry that he mentioned the past and that she still didn't have coffee.

" You need to be like that again then."

"Oh okay. Though your opinion on that doesn't really matter, but I'm curious. Why would I do that?"

"Because I miss you." he said, in a voice that was soft but firm.

"Yeah, right." she said sarcastically.

"What was that?" he asked, a little on edge.

"What was what?" she asked, getting two cups of coffee ready. She figured she'd have the second one if he didn't want it.

"You don't believe me, do you?"

"Do I have a reason to? Last I remember that didn't end too well. And somebody told me I was too stupid to believe what people said. That they didn't deserve trusting."

He was speechless. It was him. It was his fault. Always was. And right then, he pondered it it was okay of him being so selfish to try and win her back. To even be there with her.
This was what he hated. She made him realise. Realise that he can be wrong, when he always thougt otherwise.
'Ignorance is bliss' was something that he believed in. That what others felt didn't matter.
But this woman, right in front of him, made him think, made him feel, made him second-guess, made him care, and more than anything else, made herself matter without even knowing it. It was frustratingly attractive.

She made him see sense, believe in things he thought didn't exist.
She made him want to matter. Want to matter to her. And this feeling, this feeling of want and need was what had once scared him, driven away.
For it was raw, corrosive, savage.

He couldn't let anything matter. That was what he was taught. Always. From the beginning. Because when things matter, the become the reason for you to think. Think otherwise from what is practical. All his life, he'd been with people who were excessively practical. He'd grown up with strict, diplomatic parents, was taught to be like that, had seen people like that. And feeling something was out of the question.

He didn't know how long he stood there thinking; brought back to reality by a cup of coffee being placed in front of him.

"Thanks." was all he could say, not quite being able to meet her eyes.

"So, how are you?" he asked again.

" I'm fine. You tell me."

" But you don't look fine right now."

"That's because I am still nursing a hangover, since you woke me up so early and I hadn't even had the time to wash my face since you won't stop talking about how I'm being careless or whatever and you have no right to judge me right now."

He couldn't help but smile.
"My apologies. Now as much as I appreciate the coffee and your company, which by the way isn't all that much pleasant right now, I'll let you be. Can I umm.. I mean, I was hoping if we could meet later, when you're not this cranky." he completed.

She wasn't sure what to do.
"Yeah let me know when you're free."

"Anytime is okay really." he said. Then thought if he looked too eager.

"How about coffee tomorrow? You didn't make it today. Dont think I didn't notice." she said. She was not yet ready to handle a meal yet, actually. But the reason she could use.

"You wouldn't wait. But sure. What time?"

"11. Its a sunday. I'd like to sleep in, thankyou very much." she replied.

"Whatever makes you not want to kill people." he joked.

"Shut up." she grumbled, but she was smiling.

"I'll leave you to it then. And see you tomorrow. Bye."

"Bye." she said.
And sat there for a long time thinking what had happened and how she felt about it. She hoped it was for the best.