Blurred | King of Hartz

14: Broken Shells

Silas Hartz

             I failed so hard at keeping my distance. I was supposed to let this trip be lowkey and give her the space to figure out what and who she wanted. But who am I kidding—I couldn't stay away from her too long. The gravitational pull from her is so hard to ignore. I want nothing more than to surround myself with this woman every day if I could.

I ran a hand down my face as I stared at the ceiling replaying everything that was said last night. I always wanted you.... coming from her mouth was music to my ears. I glanced down as she stirred against my chest. I ran my thumb against her shoulder as her eyes fluttered open. At first we said nothing, just looking at one another.

"Hi" she muttered.

"Hi baby" I said, making her smile softly before she sat up with the sheets tight against her bare body.

"We should probably talk about last night" she said, looking out the huge window in our room.

"Do you regret it?" The question left my mouth before I could catch it. Her head snapped in my direction with wide eyes.

"Not at all" she hesitated before continuing. "If anything.... I'm embarrassed"

"Embarrassed?" I asked with a slight frown. Last night was most definitely a different experience for me. The way we connected was something I never experienced during an intimate moment.

"I didn't mean to cry. That's not like me. Especially not..." her voice trailed as she shook her head. "That's the first time I've ever broken down during sex"

"So what you saying is I got that top tier—"

"Don't" she cut me off jokingly, making me chuckle.

"You wanna talk about it?" For a long moment, she didn't answer. She kept her eyes trained on my thumb rubbing circles on her exposed thigh.

"Have I ever told you about my family?" Before I could respond she continued. "I was the youngest out of four. I treated my older sister Kennedy like she was the baby of the family. They called me little boss lady"

Her lips tugged into a small smile before fading. "Then there was Amir and Mateo—my big brothers. Amir was overprotective and usually scared most people away. Mateo was the unserious one, always cracking jokes at the wrong time. Making sure to keep a smile on our face even when shit was bad. I remember I used to sit in their room just to hear them argue over petty shit—best artist, basketball, who mom loved more..."

"We were.... Extremely close. Like family dinners, movie nights, staying up eating junk food close. Our mom kept the house full of love even when my dad didn't make it easy." Her eyes began to glisten as she kept them trained on her finger that was tracing over a few of my tattoos on my forearm.

"Lani..." she shook her head sniffling. I didn't like where this story was leading and I didn't want her to feel obligated to tell me if she wasn't ready.

"My dad was my world at one point of time until he started drinking heavily. Ever since he lost his mother from cancer, he would turn to alcohol instead of his family. He would disappear for days and come back mad at the world. Most of my sleepless nights I would hear my mom cry at night, she tried to be quiet...but I always heard her sobs..." she swallowed as a few tears fell. "Sometimes I can still hear those cries"

"He never got physical but his verbal abuse broke her down pretty badly. Until one night everything changed— I remember waking up to smoke, screams, intense heat. My mom was yelling for us down the hall. All I can remember was running trying to get to my brothers—trying to get out. Amir pushed me to the door and went back for everyone else...but they never made it out. Our family home went up in flames and I watched from the mailbox"