"Happy Married Life, Shivya Pathak" I weakly smiled seeing my condition, mangalsutra dangling in my neck, vermilion in hair and both hands filled with gold bangles.
"Come out quickly or do you want me to break the gate," my husband knocked again...
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Ummeed yeh seene mein leke, main hoon jee raha, Kabhi tu mile, mujh se kahe ke, main hoon bas tera...
"Don't you want to go?" Apurva asked gently, watching Shivya from across the room. Shivya's fingers twisted the edge of her pallu in restless circles.
She wanted to answer honestly, to say that she did not want to go, that she could not summon the energy to stand among unfamiliar faces and answer polite questions about her new life, her marriage and her husband.
But words sat like stones in her throat. Instead, she asked softly, "Is everyone going?"
"No," Juhi said before Apurva could reply. "Ruh and Vedant are not coming with us."
Unknowingly a faint smile, almost invisible, touched the corners of Shivya's lips when she heard her husband's name. The knowledge that someone would stay behind, he would stay behind filled her with a strange relief.
If everyone were going, she would have had no choice. Now, at least, she could cling to this thread of justification and think of an excuse. "I'm not going either," she said suddenly.
Her voice was calm, but inside she felt her heart flutter like a trapped bird. Juhi turned to her, a hint of surprise coloring her face "Why not? You should come with us. Everyone there is waiting to meet you. Mausi ji ne maa ji ko khaskar tumhe lekar aane ke liye bola hain."
Aunt especially asked Mother to bring you along.
"Issiliye to nahi jaana hain" she muttered under her breath. But also she didn't want to lie more about her and her life."Yes, bhabhi, come with us!" Shaurya piped up, bouncing in his seat.
(That's why I don't want to go.)
Shivya shot him a warning glance "I don't feel like going," Shivya said quietly. "And besides, what will Ruh do alone if everyone leaves?"
It was a weak excuse, and she knew it. Ruh was perhaps the last person in the house who needed company. The girl spent most of her days immersed in her own world, speaking only when spoken to.
Ruh's eyes widened at the mention of her name. "No, please," she said quickly, her voice gentle but a little panicked "Don't stay because of me. I'll be fine. I would feel bad if you didn't go only because of me."
Shivya wished, for the first time, that Ruh hadn't spoken. She had long hoped that her sister-in-law would speak more, open up with others. But now, every word of her felt like a betrayal of Shivya's excuse.
Four pairs of eyes turned toward her waiting for her to respond "Vedant isn't going either and I don't want to go without him" she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "If he's staying, then I'll stay too."
It wasn't quite a lie, but neither was it the full truth. What she didn't say - What she couldn't admit to herself. as being with the man she thought was like others were not a big problem anymore, she didn't feel like panicking now.
