Chutes and Ladders: Vol. 1

I Am Destined to Be

I am destined to be the girl on the sidelines. Always hoping be valuable. I am the waterboy of love. I will happily give up what I want so that they all can be happy. While I aid everyone else in their endeavors, no one tries to aid me in mine. It's not fair. I constantly sacrifice my heart, my thoughts, my hopes and dreams, for the sake of the ones I love. I am terrified of that word, but I feel it for him. When he smiles, I feel it. When he fixes his hair, I feel it. And it frustrates me because I can't feel that way about him. He is Mars. So well known. Everyone is curious and wants to be there. He is the future, the Next Big Thing. When people see him, just like me, they see wonder. I am Pluto. Tiny and insignificant, compared to Mars. When people see me they see nothing but space. Wasted time and space, taking away from Mars in all it's glory. Mars and I are on opposite ends of the galaxy, so far away that a second glance is light years away. So far away, that I gave up the idea of us ever being together. She, however, is Venus. Shining brighter than any other planet, she has the attention. Venus is beautiful and fits a smaller size than Pluto. Pluto is far behind Mars and Venus, still stuck in her old ways. Pluto is secretly hoping that some astronaut will find her to be alluring, just like Venus. Pluto sits and twiddles her thumbs, praying that someone would fight to be by her side. That someone would dare to venture where no man has gone before, just for her. Meanwhile, Mars is still perfect. And Venus is closer than ever to what and who Pluto would give everything up for. I understand that I am not desirable. I understand that he is out of my league. So why, why am I still trying? Why am I grasping so tightly, as if my life depended on it? Why do I suddenly feel like I can't live without him? I have never felt physical pain in my chest until now. At first it was dull, but now it's hard to breathe. He has affected not only my head and my heart, but now my lungs?! This pain doesn't come from him not loving me, it comes from the knowledge of how little I mean to him. But I will continue to be his friend, no matter the pain it causes me. I would rather love him from a distance and have it kill me, than to not have him in my life at all.