Beyond Desire

27- Haven't the foggiest.

My mood didn't magically improve the next day. I spent the entire night hunched over my laptop, drowning in every possible article the media could throw at me. I woke up doing the same thing, rereading old posts I had scrolled past, opening messages I once ignored, even going through my own comment section, something I had never cared enough to do.

And with every new sentence, my fear stopped feeling exaggerated and started feeling... valid. I was terrified. Terrified for my father. My mood kept sinking lower and lower until a message from Khalid popped up on my phone.

"Lily?"

I didn't even think. I tossed my laptop aside and snatched my phone."I thought you were intending to continue on your ignoring game."

"I have a feeling you are going to hold this against me forever." He responded.

"Fr."

A moment passed before my phone beeped.

"???"

I laughed softly, imagining how confused his face probably looked while he stared at my text. "Forgot you are an under-the-rock person. 'For real', was what I meant to say."

"Learn to spell words correctly Lily."

His responses were always instant, like he had typed them beforehand and was waiting for mine to drop.

Meanwhile, I had to think before sending anything back because one wrong move and my inner crazy would slip out.

"Or maybe you should learn to be modern. And stop calling me that, my name is Jalilah!"

"I know your name, modern girl."

"Call me with my name then."

"Jalilah."

I smiled, too much.

"There you have it, not that hard."

"How are you doing?"

My heart faltered at that message and I sank deeper into the duvet, a sudden heat washing over me despite the air conditioner humming across the room.

"If I didn't know any better, I would say you care about me."

Immediately, regret punched me in the throat. Why did I write that? Why couldn't I choose the safe, boring "I'm fine"? He took his sweet time replying, which only confirmed that I should not have sent that.

"You actually don't know a thing."

Typical Khalid. I rolled my eyes.

"I am fine Khalid, how about you?" I sent a glaring emoji at the end of my statement.

"Great."

Great? Just great? Was he indicating the end of our conversation? Because I wasn't ready for the conversation to end. My fingers lingered on the keyboard waiting...hoping...until I finally decided to keep the conversation alive myself.

"Thank you for the flowers."

In that same heartbeat, his message dropped. "Do you love the flowers?"

Turns out we were both typing at the same time.

"Yeah.." I quickly responded. "I loved it."

His response was curt. "Glad." leaving me frustrated as ever. Was he busy?

Again, I decided to keep the conversation going, but my anxiety spiked and I typed the most absurd thing humanly possible.