Beyond Desire

34- Way to go Jalilah

That night, I genuinely couldn't tell how sleep found me.

With that single sentence acting like caffeine, doing its job of keeping me awake far too well, it felt almost miraculous that my heart eventually slowed enough to let me drift off.

"You know you might be the kind of girl I'd happily lose my mind over."

Who would drop that on you and then drop you off like it's no big deal? As if it weren't the biggest thing I'd been forced to carry all night.

I almost asked him what he meant. I almost did. But those eyes, God, those eyes. I swear I would have melted if he looked at me like that one more time, like I was his first meal after months of starvation.

And the worst part? He was waiting for me to ask. I could see it. The answer sat right there, balanced on his tongue, ready to spill the moment I permitted him.

I wasn't ready for any form of heart-to-heart conversation, so I panicked and I said it was getting too late, I said I had somewhere to be as early as tomorrow comes, just anything to escape. Because I knew, if I stayed one more second, he would have me cornered. And I would not survive any more of his stares.

And when I finally fell asleep, it was with the single lily he sent, clutched in my hand, so much for wanting to keep him out of my thoughts.

Yea Jalilah, you are officially screwed.

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Morning came quietly, with light slipping through the curtains and warming the room. I woke up tangled in the sheets, and let out a long, reluctant sigh. Sleep had been merciful, at least for a few hours, and for a moment I let myself just lie there, listening to the faint buzz of the house waking up.

Mahir's laughter drifted up from downstairs, loud and thoroughly irritating. It was probably what woke me. Dada's deeper chuckle followed, grounding in a way that made me realize how much I'd missed normalcy. Somewhere beneath the clatter of plates and cutlery, my mother's soft voice drifted through. They were already up and ready for breakfast.

I honestly wonder how I ended up surrounded by morning people. Who looks at sleep and says, "No thanks, I'd rather have breakfast"? I can't wrap my head around their actions sometimes.

I swung my legs off the bed and headed to the bathroom, knowing it was only a matter of minutes before my mother sent Camy up to drag me out of bed.

I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and changed quickly, doing just enough to look presentable before leaving my room. The house was fully awake now. Voices drifted up the staircase as I made my way down, growing clearer with every step. When I reached the dining room, my parents and Mahir were already seated with plates set and food untouched, mid-argument, by the sound of it.

"No way! Chen Long is far more skilled than Lee Zii Jia! He's faster, smarter, he dominates the court!" Mahir shouted, waving a fork for emphasis.

"I agree with you about him being fast, but he is absolutely not smart. Lee has consistency and strategy! You're blinded by flashy moves!" Dada retorted, shaking his head.

Mama, sitting at the head of the table, couldn't help but chuckle. "Honestly, both of you sound ridiculous. It's just badminton, calm down and Mahir, go wake Jalilah."

I took that as my cue and stepped into the room, smiling brightly at the scene. "Good morning, everyone,"

I dropped into my usual seat as they all answered my greeting cheerfully. Mahir said something between the lines of, "Finally decided to join the living, huh?"

Breakfast was ordinary in every way that mattered. Food got passed around, a few familiar jokes flew across the table and Dada's presence filled the space in a way I hadn't realized I'd missed until now. I laughed when it was expected, smiled when it felt appropriate, and kept my thoughts carefully guarded behind a calm face.