my life as Aubrey (currently being edited)

chapter 14

it's the weekend and i havent seen Landon or talked to him since that time in the hallway. i honestly dont know if i can leave him, i was caught up in the moment. i sat on my bed still in my PJ's trying to forget about you know who. i turned on the TV and started flipping throw the channels but nothing catches my attention. i turned off the TV and grabbed a book instead but a knock came from the door.

i got up and walked to the door and looked threw the peephole. this person was the last person i would expect to come to my door.

i opened the door to see my mother standing on the other side of the threshold. "mom, what are you doing here?" i asked.

"could i come in?" she asked.

i open the door and let her walk by me. she goes to the little table that sits by the window. i walk over and sit opposite of her. she looks really good. her normally greasy black hair was washed and brushed. her skin didn't look pale, she has some color in her cheeks now. she's even put on some pounds. "so..." i trail off not knowing what's going on.

"i wanted to know how you've been." she sets her purse on the table and folds her hands on her lap.

"how do you think?" i didnt mean to snap at her but it's a old habits.

"i know i havent been that worlds greatest mother." i snorted, meaning 'no duh'. "i know i've made my share of mistakes and i should have been there to stop every blow and be the one to take it instead but to be honest i dont remember much and i feel awful for going down that road instead of trying to get better and out of my depression. but Aubrey you have to understand what losing a child does to a parent."

"yeah it makes one depend on drugs and the other beat there own child." i took a deep breath and pushed back all the memory's and the tears. "i know what happened was devastating but you had a kid to take care of, one that was confused and had no idea what was going on at the time. one that didnt just lose a baby brother that day but a mother and a father too."

she sighs and brushes a hand across her check. "i know and i wish everday that i can take it all back but i know i cant so i came here to ask for your forgiveness, to ask for a second chance."

i sit back and am shocked at what i am hearing. my mother wants my forgiveness? i guess once i think about it, i dont hate my mother, i should but i dont. why dont i? she sat back and watched my father beat me for 5 years but do i blame her?

no. i saw what it did to her those first months after she lost him and i dont blame her for wanting to get away and not feel like that way anymore.

"i dont hate you mom, i never did."

a small smile came across her face. "so tell me what's going on? why are you in a hotel room? i though you were staying with Mr. and Mrs. Carter?" she asked.

"i was but i ran into some complications." i looked down.

"what kind of complications?" she asked with real concern.

"well to be honest their son is kind of my mate." or i thought he was. at the mention of him that aching feeling came back that was gone until now.

"that's wonderful. i remember when i first met your father. that feeling never goes away." she smiled a sad smile. "then why are you here? why aren't you with him?" she asked.

and i actually want to tell her. but i don't know why, i haven't talked to my mom about stuff like this since 6th grade. "i caught him kissing another girl." when i said it my chest clinched and i flinched. tears came to my eyes and i felt arms come around me.

"i'm so sorry honey. that's just awful. are you sure it wasnt all her? maybe she caught him off gaured." she rubbed soathing circels on my back and i found myself leaning into her.

"i wish. no he had his arms around her, trust me he wanted it."

"honey i'm sure there's an explanation. has he explained himself?" she asked still rubbing my back. i shook my head. "why not?"

"i wouldn't let him. i didn't want to see him anymore it hurt to much, knowing what he did and me still liking him so much." silent tears started down my checks.

"i know it hurts but you cant just lock yourself in your room because you don't want to face someone."

"i know but i dont think he wants to see me asnyways, i said some awful things."

"well i don't blame you and he probably doesn't either and i'm sure he didn't believe anything you said."

i sat up and looked at her. "what kind of explanation is there though? i saw it. he had his arms around her and obviously wanted it."

she shrugs. "you never know until you ask."

i didnt say anything. i dont know if i want to know the reason. she stood up and smoothed out her shirt. "i'm sorry but i have to get back. i'm only allowed an hour to be gone."

i looked up at her. "when do you get out, officially?" i asked.

"i dont know. it depends on my progress."

i stood up and walked her to the door. "thank you for stopping by."

she leaned over and gave me a kiss on the forehead. "i love you, Aubrey. even when it seemed i didn't."

i nodded. she looked down then smiled up at me. "do you know what we were going to call him?" she asked. i shook my head. they said they were going to wait until they saw him. "Tyler."

i smiled. "i like it."

"so did we." she waved and walked out.

i shut the door and walked back to my bed. i glanced at the phone but shook my head. i got up and took a shower. when i was done i picked up the book i'm reading and tried to get into it but i couldn't focus i kept glancing at the phone. i reached over and went to dial his number but stopped myself. i hung up the phone and turned on the TV instead but again i caught myself grabbing for the phone. i even dialed his number before i hurriedly hung up the phone.

i decided i was going to wait until Monday and see how i felt then. i could talk to him at school or go see Jane and talk to him then. i pulled the covers up to my chin and sighed. feeling better that i'm going to get this sorted out.

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it was Monday and i was walking down the hallway when i saw Landon. i stopped and thought if i should talk to him, i looked up and he was looking at me. so i took a deep breath and continued.

"hello, Landon." i said when i reached him.

"Aubrey." he nodded at me. a emotion passed across his face but i didn't catch it in time to see what it was.

"i was thinking of coming over today. to see Jane and to talk to your dad about the court day. is that okay or is this a bad time?" i asked.

"no feel free. mom would love to see you and i'm sure there's some things that dad needs to go over with you."

i nodded. "probably." wow this is awkward. "um i'll see you then."

"do you need a ride?" he asked.

i smiled. "sure, thanks."

he smiled back. "i'll meet you in the parking lot?" he asked.

"yeah." i said.

he slowly reached up and touched my check. i felt the shock run through me and closed my eyes. felt his hand leave my check and opened my eyes, he was walking down the hallway.

he was about to turn the corner when he looked back at me and smiled one last time before disappearing.

i smiled to myself and started towards class.

hey, i would write more but my lap top is about to die and for some reason the charger wont work so sorry i'll try to update more tomorrow night.

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