Star Fall / Book One (SPN Fan Fiction)

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Dean spent the night going over his overbearingly contradictive thoughts. Guilt, further boiling and simmering in his mind. The fact that he used Kai to get to Sam. Purposefully putting her in harms way for his own design. Despite knowing it wasn't the right thing to do. Was making him sick. Looking down at Kyiah, seeing her in his arms made him understand the truly unconditional love he has always had for her. Yet when Dean closed his eyes, all he could see was the death and destruction he's caused through the years. The image of her bleeding out in his arms at the Vetala Mansion was a memory he couldn't rid himself from. So, he stayed awake. Trapped in the fear of ever seeing it again. Lying, staring at her as she sleeps. Her beauty, and his fright, were the only things in the world that kept him from closing his eyes. It wasn't the alcohol, it wasn't the affects of The Mark. It was purely derived from fear, and love. In his dissociative, ethical warfare. He noticed Kai wincing, shuddering in her sleep, something he had never seen her do. Only worsening the potent urgency to never let her go. And whenever she would, Dean's muscles instinctively tighten around her. Even subconsciously, he itches to protect her. But was he? Protecting her? Or was he merely clinging to someone he knew he was killing.

There was only one way to find out.

- - -

Kyiah rolls over, feeling the neighboring empty space. Stirring her to wake in time to catch Dean throwing a navy green survival jacket over his dusty brown and white flannel.

"Hey." She says sleepily. He rotates, locking eyes with her. "Where are you going?"

"You could have gotten yourself killed.." He says sternly, watching her sit up.

"Dean-"

"You could have gotten killed, Kai." He announces again. She chooses her next words meticulously. Still keeping him in the dark about the intensity behind her magick.

"Cas would never let that happen."

"So? That doesn't mean you deviate from the plan and throw caution to the wind like that." She stood to her feet, heeding his edgy inflection. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"Our mission was to find Sam-"

"We could have done that together." He protests with a few steps.

"We needed a way in and when I saw the chance, I took it."

"YOU ALMOST DIED!" He blows up. The touch of his tinted soul gave hers a feverish temperature. "What part of that don't you understand?!"

"But I DIDNT." She emphasizes, trying to get through to him.

"I'm suppose to be protecting you." Dean clarifies. "And I don't think I'm doing that anymore." She flexes her face, hearing the desolate void in his signature pitch. Spying his packed duffel, waiting at the door.

"So, what, you're walking out?" Her voice quivers. He keeps his stance and the dangerous look in his crafted face. "That's not how you treat someone you love." She says softly, recognizing the distinctive tension in his body. "I know, you want what's best for me, but walking away isn't that."

"I have too."

"Why?!" She steps up in dismay.

"BECAUSE IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU.." He stops himself. Feeling The Mark strain beneath his sleeves. He backs away, softening his voice. "...If I lose you. If you die, on my watch. In my arms. Again. I will never forgive myself..." She gives a look of compassion. "I have to know, that I did everything in my power to protect you. Or I wouldn't be able to-" He pauses again, moving his gaze to the floor. Unwilling to harm her the weight of that knowledge. Kyiah approaches, taking his hand in hers to tenderly position atop her heart.