Stuck In The Moment

If I Do Dare

Chapter 37:

(Song for this chapter: Cheyenne by Jason Derulo)

-Kiara-

I don't love him. I don't love him. I don't love him. I don't love him. I don't love him. I don't love him. I don't love him. I don't love him. I don't love him. I don't love him.

I keep chanting this in my head but I don't think it's working.

I. DONT. LOVE. HIM.

Nope. No helping.

I still love Luke.

I said earlier today that I love him. Then- also today- I said that maybe I don't love him. And that maybe we're just living in the moment. Then I said I loved him again. And now I'm saying that I don't love him.

Here's the truth.

I. Love. Luke. Hemmings.

That wasn't so hard right?

Then why do I keep saying I don't love him?

I keep saying it because he's leaving me and the fact that I love him is going to make it harder to say goodbye. I feel like if I keep telling myself that I don't love him then maybe this will be easier. But it's not. I still love him. And I will continue to love him.

He's so great and amazing. I've been through so much with him and it's only been a little over eight weeks.

I keep saying that I don't love him but really, I do. And I'm now finding out that it's pointless to lie to myself. 

"Kids! I have a plan!" Liz says, once we all enter her house for a sleepover. We finished singing songs around the fire and decided to come back here for the rest of the night. "You guys are going to throw a party here tomorrow!" She announces.

"What? No mom. You just got back and we're going to spend our last days all together, not filling your house with drunk teens!" Luke debates.

"Luke. You're ridiculous if you think we're all going to go out to some fancy ordeal just because I'm back. You're leaving and I want all of you to have fun together. Don't mind me!" She says.

"But mum-"

"Luke shush! You're throwing a party! And besides, it gives me a reason to have a couple of beers. I'll still be here, hanging around in the kitchen like I always do. I like listening to the music and laughing at every drunk teen I see. It'll be good."

"Okay. If you insist." He sighs.

A party would be nice, even though we are always at them and it's the same thing each time. You kind of get tired of them but it'll still be good. One last party with all of us together.

We all go and sit around the coffee table in the living room and Liz goes upstairs to sleep.

"I'm really tired. You all behave and don't burn down the house." She says and then she's out of sight.

"Okay, so what do you guys wanna do?" I ask everyone.

"I've got a game." Ashton says. "It's called Slap Calum In The Face." He then hits his cheek hard, leaving it red.

"What the hell was that for?" Calum asks, rubbing his cheek.

"Aww. Cal don't cry." Luke coos. "I'll make it all better." He then pecks Calum on the cheek, leaving a loud smooching sound before he pulls away.

"KIARA!" Calum whines. "YOUR BOYFRIEND'S KISSING ME!" I just laugh and think of something we can all do.

Honestly, I hate when we play truth or dare. Those are always sexual and it's really disgusting if you think about it. Not only do people always want to play that, but someone always ends up making out and it gets really annoying. Like if you go to a teen event, you basically know they're either going to do that or 20 Questions, which also isn't the most exciting game in the world.