i remember it started at the age of four
when i was eleven i learned what was right and wrong
i knew the way you touched me your hands did not belong
you told me it was harmless and just a game
yet here i am with distaste when i hear your name
so the next time you leaned in for our lips to touch
i turned away and said this is too much
i finally took-back my voice
and it finally became a choice
it was no longer a must
as kid i should not have had lust
now as an adult i can no longer trust
i ended it with my own words and power
yet after that day i felt dirty every single hour
i started to shower every morning and night
to get the visions of the memories out of sight
but with time it has eaten away at me like a parasite
now i am twenty three years old
and this is a secret i never have told
perhaps i will take it to the grave
and my lips shut will make me a slave
the marks and memories cut deep
till this day i always seem to lose sleep
for my story has not been told
hoping perceptions of me never unfold
i fear sharing
and the lack of caring
the silence is not for you but our family's sake
but how much of me did you have to take?
i wonder if you are satisfied
or regret you ever tried
the first time your hands had linger
you had pulled the trigger
the trigger of the gun per say
which the bullet ripped my childhood away
now as an adult i don't think i will ever be okay
