She whispered looking down at the pale floor while silence surrounded the air around her "you don't understand..."
The boy gripped on to her shoulders and gazed into her blood shot eyes. "I do understand..." He replied to her.
She almost flinched at the pain when he went more lower gripping on to her wrist.
Perhaps maybe because of all the self inflicted pain she caused on her self last night , those red ugly marks that stained her beautiful pale white skin were now hidden underneath her sleeves.
A tear escaped her eye.
"No you don't understand..."
He began to get confused, and
angered at what she kept
Saying.
All he knew was that he hurt her last night when he said he slept with another girl when they got into a fight.
At the time he didn't know what to do, because all of the pain killers he took that night didn't relieve the pain, so he fucked another girl imagining it was her.
It helped only for the time during the sex, but after it was done.
All that was filled in his eyes wasn't lust.
It was regret, he had betray the only girl that stayed with him for more than the 4 years through out high school. He had betrayed the only girl he actually felt something with, the one who always smiled with him. The one girl who was always so cheerful.. But after he called her late that night.
Waiting, to announce he slept with another girl. After she heard those words escape his dirty mouth that were implanted to another girls face that night she didn't hear any sound of his voice that came after those 2 words
"Another girl" she just stared at her phone blankly, tears dripping on her phone.
She didn't hear the sound of
His voice, because all she could hear was the sound of her heart cracking.
She was broken like the plate she dropped on her mother's kitchen at the age 12, getting whipped over and over again because of her clumsiness. She tried fixing it with super glue, but it wasn't enough.
She couldn't undo what she had done.
All she did was put the pieces back together, but she still saw those ugly cracks on that old fashion flower filled plate, and that didn't satisfy her.
She knew that she was very similar to this plate.
She finally decided to be brave, and look into his eyes.
As soon as their eyes met; he felt grief because he knew his action had killed her. He could
Tell as he gazed at her use to be blue ocean eyes, that were now blood shot red from all the tears she had spilled.
that she was now broken.
"You don't understand being awake for a whole night thinking you're not good enough because the person you think that was so amazing betrays you by sleeping with another girl. You don't understand trying to sleep, but then waking up with this one thing that possessed your mind. That thought was kissing razors, and I did. The sharp blade that dragged across my wrist.
I inflicted pain on my self, because I thought it would
Distract me
From the pain you inflicted on my mortal beating heart.
The pain that you caused me was too difficult to bare.
Slit after slit I began to go deeper hoping I will finally cause as much pain as you did to my heart.
Those slits didn't phase me, they were like little ant nibbles compared to the pain you had filled me with.
I did it until nothing but the red liquid covered my wrist. I didn't care about how I was doing physically. All I wanted to do was make it stop.
I wanted to make the suffering stop.
Every time I look at you I think what you did that caused all this pain, I don't think of the amazing moments that we shared, or how you helped me through out my child abuse.
I have realized no matter how much you need me, and how much I needed you. It's fucking over. Now, you're just a deadly poison to me. Maybe before you motivated me to reach my goals in life, and I thought with out you I couldn't.
Now, I can . I know I could do it. I don't need a human that causes so much pain.
A human that is damaging the inner core of my being. That makes me want to self harm my self because I couldn't stand the feeling that you gave me.
We are simply just the past.
Not present, nor future.
He was shocked at what she had said.. She was never the girl who spoke loudly in class .
She was the type of girl who hesitates when she knew the answer she had to to present on the board in class.
Her mind was loud.
Unfortunately, her voice was not.
(Shall I continue this????)
