The New Guy // Phan

5

TRIGGER WARNING

"Two coffee's." The lady says, placing both our coffee's down on our table in a small cafe.

"Thank you. Um... Could I just ask please, what is your name?" I speak, not knowing what to call her by.

"Sorry dear, I didn't introduce myself properly did I? I'm Lucy Smith, but call me Lucy." She says and I nod with a slight smile.

"I'm Phil." I look over to her as she sits down opposite me.

"Okay, Phil. What's wrong? Don't worry, I won't go blabbing." She smiles kindly at me with a slight laugh and I close my eyes for a few seconds, taking a deep breath, readying myself to explain.

"I um... At school, I was bullied. Bullied for being myself. The things I liked, did, the things I didn't. I was different from everyone else and they didn't like that." I continued to explain everything. The moving schools, Dan joining, me honestly liking him but the plan I have to do to not be bullied myself but actually ending up feeling bullied even though I'm not. "I feel so crap about it. He seems like a great guy and I would love to actually be friends with him, but instead I've gotten him and myself into this mess and I don't know how to get out. I feel so selfish." I sigh, noticing tears run down my cheek.

"So why don't you just call the plan off." She suggests.

"What?" I look over to Lucy confused.

"Tell your fake friends you actually think he's nice and call the plan off, actually become friends with him." She explains.

"It's not that simple. If I do that, I'll get bullied again. I know it sounds selfish but I can't go through that again." I shake my head, planting it in my hands and rubbing my face.

"Well then get him to join your 'friends' with you." She says.

"I can't. I have to do this plan. There's no backing out of it now. They don't like people who are different." I explain. "Well, thank you for the coffee Lucy and it was really nice meeting you but I should probably be getting back to school." I say before she says anything else, I walk out and head back to school.

As I walk through the gate, I can feel people staring at me. I walk straight through with my head down.

"Hey Phil, where's your boyfriend?" 

"Why have you even came back? Go kill yourself."

"Loser. You shouldn't have came back!"

"Sorry about your girlfriend. That why you've moved onto being a fag?"

Comments are shouted at me from everywhere as I walk through the corridor.

They're all right you know.

Go away

No

I don't have time for this.

Because you should be dead by now.

No I shouldn't

Don't lie to yourself Phil.

I walk into the toilets and look at myself in the mirror, a shoe shaped bruise on my face, making my complexion even more horrible to look at. I lift up my shirt to see more bruised spread across my chest.

Gross

I know

Why not add more?

What

You know what

I do know. And there's nothing stopping me. I try to find my blade out my bag but I can't. I tip the contents of my bag onto the floor and crouch down, looking through the mess I've made before remembering where it is. Dan threw it away.