The New Guy // Phan

11

I try to apologize. I try to say sorry.

"Phil. Please don't, you pretended to like me, you got close to me, you betrayed me. Leave me alone. Please." 

"I'm not giving up on you Dan. You said you loved me. You-"

"And you didn't say it back. Now I know why. Are you even gay? You know what, please get out." He looks so frustrated, so lost, so broken. Mentally and physically. We could get past this. I can win him over. 

You hurt him Phil. You were an idiot. A bully. Why would he want to listen to you never mind love you? No one else loves you. Even you don't love you.

"I don't want this. I never wanted this. I was selfish. I didn't want to go through all the shit again but I've told the head teacher what happened. I'm suspended and I'm assuming the other lads will be too. Dan I want to fix this. I want to help you." I plead him with everything in me; my eyes, my hands, my words, my heart pleads for him. He looks so unimpressed. So bored. So done. He's hurt.

"I don't want your help. I would need a million hands to count the people I would rather go to before I came to you for help. Why don't you get it? You treated me like utter shit. Phil please go away and do not come back and bother us. It's the least of our worries right now. You've fucked everything up. So please.. go." He begs and I do. I nod slowly and apologize one more time. I want to change things but I can't if he doesn't let me. 

"I'm sorry. But if you ever change your mind. If you ever need anyone. Dan, I'm here for you. If you don't want to hear from me then you won't. But I do love you Dan. I've never been so sure of anything. I love you. I'm sorry. I've never regretted anything more than what I've done. But what I will regret more is what I'm about to say. Goodbye Dan.

With that, I turn and walk away before tears erupt to my face and I walk to the door with my head down. I wonder around for a while, walking until my feet hurt and even then I continue to slump around some more, still crying. 

Eventually there is nothing left.

I am numb.

Arriving home feels different, like I'll never leave again. Like I will not survive another minute if I go in. Lonely. It feels lonely. That is until I look up. 

"What do you want?" I ask Rachel who is sat on the doorstep, her head resting on her hand and is looking up at me unimpressed. She sighs and stands up, walking towards me.

"I want you to talk to me, I want to get to know you, but now I'm not so sure I do." She says, she sounds cold but her face is hurt. Contorted painfully, her grimace makes me feel sick to the stomach. 

"Rachel. I know, I hate me too. If that's all you have to say then please leave me alone because I guarantee anything you have to say to me can't be worse than what I already know, so you can leave it." Storming away, I am almost proud of my finishing line before I am stopped by a pressure on my arm. Rachel does not look at me as she holds me back, but keeps her gaze glued to the floor. I've never seen a face so unsure. 

"I don't hate you Phil." She finally looks up at me and her teeth gnaw away her lip as she stares as if she sees right through me, as if I am not even here. "It's quite the opposite."

I freeze for a moment. Surely she's figured out I like boys. Is that what she means?

"Don't look so dumbstruck, I haven't told you the best part yet." She tries to lighten the mood. I dread to think what my face might look like, confused, concerned. After a deep breath, she releases 3 words that change everything.

 "I'm your sister."

This chapter was a bit shorter than usual but I've really struggled with it and I've been trying to write it for a few days but I couldn't word things. So it's short and shit but I hope you enjoyed it anyway.

Also, I really felt the gif suited this chapter in a funny, ironic way so I hope you appreciated that!