The New Guy // Phan

8

We never did speak about what happened. About the kiss. We simply left and continued our day as normal. But I don't understand how. Last night was a sleepless one. I couldn't stop repeating the cycle of thoughts that was repeating in my head.

He kissed me,

I kissed back.

I'm about to do the worst thing I think I will ever do.

That I will ever do.

"Morning!" Dan chirps as he meets me at the gates and I feel like my heart might jump out of my chest as I see his face.

"Morning..." a mere whisper is all I can manage, dropping my eyes to the floor, it's all I can do.

"What's up?" curiously, he looks at me but I keep my eyes fixated on the shoe lace I'm trying to avoid stepping on and tripping myself up.

"Just a rough night I guess." I sigh, though it really wasn't.

"Phil.. About yesterday. I'm sorry, I know it's too soon I've only just met you. It was just stupid and careless. I really want to get to know you before anything else."

"I don't think you do Dan. I honestly think you will be better off without me." I turn to face him, my eyes getting caught in his. "I'm not a good person. I'm really not who you think I am." I try my best to get him to avoid me so I don't have to go through with hurting him.

"Phil don't ever say that. You're wonderful and I'm so glad I met you. Please just let me be your friend." Dan insists on staying with me. I let him, but I keep my distance. I don't joke with him, I don't make an effort to conversate. I just let him talk and nod along with the odd 'yeah' and soon enough break time comes. 

I can't back out of it now. I can't let them see any weakness. I just have to go with it. And I can't get Dan away from his locker. It's where all of his books are. If I try to tell him, he will go anyway and know that I was planning this. I need to stay out of it completely but I'm in too deep both ends now.

"Hey Phil, I need to get my Science books out of my locker." Dan announces at the end of English and I nod, hating myself for what I was about to do. The walk to the lockers is the longest walk of my life. My heart beating out of my chest, I keep my head down as I walk past everyone, feeling as though they can see everything, see my dirty little secret, see what I am about to do. I do not want to see the looks on their faces.

We reach the lockers and I turn around while Dan gets his books out of his locker and see Reece and Josh heading towards me with Louis in tow behind them. This is it. It's time to lose the only person I've ever felt so supported and cared about by. It is time to ruin two lives in one go.

Maybe he won't care? Maybe he knew I'd do this in the first place? I would never have trusted someone that was friends with them to want to be friends with someone like me.

With a loser.

I run out of time to think as they arrive. "Hey Phil, you alright mate?" Reece asks me in a really sincere voice, more caring than ever before.  I see Dan look over out of the corner of my eye as I smile over at Reece, putting my chavvy act back on.

"Sup Reece, how's Alisha?" I ask, the deepest curiosity in my voice.

"Ahh she's moved onto someone else. I'm working my magic on another babe now. Her friend Jane. I've heard she often fucks the same guys as Alisha and that she's actually better, Alisha's just the support act." He smirks at me and I smile, tapping my knuckles against his.

"Phil?" Dan looks at me, confused, hurt, like he knows.

"No one wants you here fag. Go back to where you came from and take your family with you. My sister does not need the hassle of your brother Daniel." Brother? I didn't know Dan had a brother. I didn't know Reece had a sister either.

"So Dan? That's your name right?" Josh joins in, a horrible tone of voice that brings bile to my mouth. "Your dad got in contact with you yet? Or is he still having fun behind bars? Maybe it runs in the family? Who's your first victim gonna be? You can have Jess Harley if you want, everyone else has." What were they talking about? I'm ruining his life and I didn't even know him.

"Phil?" He looks at me, cheeks stained by the tears falling from his chin and quickly being replaced by more.

"What?" I turn to him with a vile look on my face, unable to say more without my shaky voice being more obvious.

"Well as usual I thought someone cared. Fuck you Phil." He says and Louis moves around, blocking Dan's exit. Louis was definitely the strongest of the group, he gripped Dan's arm tightly and slowly dragged him closer to him. Dan had no chance of escaping unless he's secretly stronger than anyone knew. He death stared Louis, only making things worse. "Lowlifes. You are all lowlifes." Dan said and looked at Louis expectantly. "Come on then, get it over with." Louis' face drops for a second but is quickly returned to an evil smirk as he punches Dan square in the nose repeatedly and in the stomach and anywhere he can reach before dropping him to the floor and everyone begins to run away. I hesitate but follow shortly as we go to lesson. 

Maths drags as it is, so being sat not only in maths but full of guilt is too much for me to handle. I ask if I can go to the toilet and I try to find Dan. I go to the nurse to ask if he's been.

"I heard he's been hurt." I plead as she asks me why I'm asking. She tells me he came in, awfully bruised and bleeding and left to go home.

"It was my fault. I need to apologize to him. I need to talk to the head teacher. What do I do?" I ask quickly, questions filling my head and a boatload of guilt taking over me as my eyes water over. The nurse asks what  I mean but when I shake my head and begin to sob, she simply puts her hand on my back and tells me to follow her so I do.

At the end of a long walk around the school I reach the door of the head teacher and look at her, smiling and nodding in thanks. She nods her head twice and turns to leave. I knock the door and get called in.

"Yes? Philip correct?" He asks and I nod.

"I've done something terrible." 

So I haven't uploaded in a long ol' while and probably won't again for a while because exams but I really needed a break from revision with a 10 hour exam coming up so I decided to write.

I hope you enjoyed, see you soon.