pills ✧ tronnor

thirteen

Whenever Connor and I got the opportunity to spend time together just the two of us, we took it. We were determined to spend as much time together as possible; we couldn't seem to get enough of eachother's company. I wasn't entirely sure what we were, but I liked it regardless. Our new-found relationship consisted of sneaky kisses when no one was looking, cuddling on the roof and watching the sun set, and leaving eachother notes to find before we woke up or fell asleep. More than anything, I was just glad that Connor had found someone who he could be himself around and feel comfortable with, just like he'd once been able to be with Sam. It seemed like everything had worked out perfectly, and that things were looking up for the both of us at long last. It was like Connor had lit a fire inside of me that just wouldn't burn out - it was something I'd never experienced before, and I loved every second of it.

One night, I woke up after feeling a cold breeze on my legs. When I opened my eyes and allowed them to adjust to the darkness, I realised my duvet had been pulled up, therefore exposing my legs to the cold air. Beside my foot, I caught sight of a piece of paper folded into eight. I instantly recognised the handwriting, and couldn't have opened the note faster if I'd tried. Through the darkness, I managed to make out his scribbly handwriting on the lined paper.

Meet me in the showers. Now.

I quickly stretched and then got up from my bed, lazily trudging down the corridor towards the shower block. When I arrived, Connor was stood by one of the sinks splashing cold water onto his face. He jumped slightly when I appeared, but he quickly relaxed again.

"Desperate to see me?" I said with a wink.

Connor smirked. "Well, when you're stuck in a place like this, you get a little lonely sometimes." he stepped forward. "And it's even worse when you're spending at least eighty-five percent of your time in the company of someone extremely attractive. I think you can guess what I'm hinting at here."

I knew full well what he was on about, but I wasn't going to openly admit that. "Well, doesn't it just suck to be you."

Connor nodded, poking out his bottom lip. "It does. Unless you'd be willing to help me out a little."

I chuckled. "You're so lame." Saying nothing more, I crossed the room and pressed our lips together. Connor quickly began to kiss me back, and after a few moments I pulled away and began tracing soft kisses down the side of his neck. He breathed out heavily as I did so, and I could feel his heartbeat increasing from where my hand was resting on his chest.

"Fuck, Troye."

He grabbed my hands and pulled me into one of the shower blocks, swiftly removing his shirt. I was taken aback by his appearance - he was well toned and his abs were prominent yet not overworked. He was ever-so slightly tanned naturally, and his physique was honestly incredible. "My god," I whispered. "You're beautiful."

My compliments were quickly stopped by Connor's lips finding their way to mine once again, and I felt him begin to remove my jumper. I allowed him to slip it off and he quickly discarded it on the floor, his hands tracing my chest down to my hips. The lead up to everything happened so quickly that I barely had chance to comprehend it. Our clothes were gradually discarded onto the floor outside the shower block, and when Connor noticed I was shivering, he flicked the shower on. The hot water cascaded down onto our bodies as we moulded together, his physique fitting perfectly with mine as we exchanged rough kisses under the running water.

I hadn't had sex with another male before. Connor was very much the dominant one, showing me the ropes and willingly taking control of what was happening. It hurt at first, but I relaxed into it after a few minutes. I felt comfortable with Connor; and for the first time in my life, I genuinely felt loved. I'd heard people describe what love feels like before, but now I understood what they meant. I had that warm, fuzzy feeling in my insides that made me feel like I could explode, and how my heart rate was constantly so much higher when I was around him - not just because we were fucking. In previous relationships, I'd always been too scared to show myself to them, paranoid I wouldn't be what they expected, or that I wouldn't be good enough for them. Yet with Connor, it was different. He thought every part of me was beautiful, and he consistently made sure I was aware of that. It was in that moment, when he held me in his arms while we both tried to calm down after our 'session' that I became fully aware of how I felt. I loved Connor Franta.

I learned that love knows no boundaries. You don't need to wait months to realise you're in love with someone. You can fall in love with someone after just one day. Everyone feels love differently. Some people believe in it and some people don't. For some, it's the most beautiful thing that any human can experience. For others, they don't believe it exists and they're too scared to believe in it that they push people away if they get too close. Before I met Connor, I'd been one of those people who pushed others away when they got too close. Now, all I wanted was to get as close to Connor as I possibly could. I wanted him forever. I don't know what it was about him that made me love him as much as I did. Maybe it was the way he was so gentle and understanding. Maybe it was how he held me and how it made me feel safe. Whatever the reason, I knew I loved him.

The warm water gently hitting my back could have easily sent me to sleep. I was so relaxed, on a comedown from the previous excitement and feeling extremely safe and comforted while Connor held me in his arms. Despite being a few inches taller than him, when he held me close, it felt like nothing would ever get me or hurt me. Again, it was a feeling I'd never experienced before, but I wanted it forever. If it was a drug, I would be high on it constantly. I would overdose it if it meant I could feel it forever.

"Hey, Troye?" Connor whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of my head; he ignored the fact my hair was completely soaked.

I mumbled in response, not saying anything in particular; more just making him aware that I was acknowledging his speech.

"We've got a bit of a problem here."

I looked at him in confusion. Did he regret what had just happened? Had he forgotten to use protection? Had I done something wrong? I began to panic, I'd fucked up. "What do you mean?"

Connor smirked. "We just fucked in a shower - we're both soaked through. And neither of us brought towels."

After that, we quickly proceeded to head back to my room where, despite us both being completely drenched in the shower water, we both climbed into my bed and fell asleep tangled up in eachother, his head on my chest and our legs intertwined beneath the bed sheets. In that moment, I felt more at home than ever before in my life. I'd found my home in Connor Franta, and although I kept saying it, I wanted him - more than anything - to be my forever.