How could i explain that? When you hate people so much that you wanna stay in your bedroom and just watch tv show or read books? Or when you feel so bad that you do nothing for tree days?
That's how i feel. What i've done for tree days. But do you know what's worst? Your father telling you that you could go out. And that when he was 16, he was going to see his friends. Doing something.
Dad, let me tell you something. I don't wanna get out because i'm not feeling great. When will you see it? I know you'll never read it! You don't even know english!
I actully passed a year without eating at school... Why? Because i didn't wanted to see them. People looking at me because i eat alone. I tried, i really tried. But i hate them so much... So i decided that read and stay alone was more important than eating. And you know what? Nobody saw it... People just so much don't care about me that they didn't see that i was always looking somewhere else. That i wasn't smiling. I wasn't telling joke. That the second i finish my diner i was in my room, ignoring you guys.
I live with my father, my brother and my grand-father. And none of them saw i wasn't great...
I thought a lot about cuting myslef or drugs. I know my brother could get me drugs haha but i didn't... I didn't cut myself either. Sometimes i regret it. I pass my long day thinking to get a blade and cut my wrist. Finishing with my life. All would be over.
But you know what? I'm still here. Why? Because i couldn't live with the fact that someone i love is dead. So i don't want to make people who loves me, live this horrible feeling.
I'm not scared about death. I'm just existing. When i'll be dead, all my pain is gonna be away.
So no, i'm not scared at all about death.
