I'm more stupid than i thought and less smart and strong too... I did it guys... And i don't see anything changed! There's only blood... It's not really big. It's just some little cuts. It's actully the third time i do it. But all the week i tried to take a blade but i couldn't... I was desperate... I'm pathetic...
Today i buy with my father my school stuff. And i took four more sharpens pencil?? Well, there's a blade with it. You just got to take it off but that's easy!
When you really look around you, you can see that there's lot more blades than you thought!
It hurts a little bit. I didn't do it because i think i deserve it. Like it would be a punishement. But more like a need. It's like drugs. Well, i've never take drugs really! But it's something that when you do more than twice... It's hard to stop...
It just always stays in my head. Like a wisper. Or a dark cloud. I need to see marks on me. Why? I don't really know. Probably because my pain looks more real! You know what's more pathetic? The first time i did it... I didn't know why.
I have a little, not certain, cause that i think. It would be because i'm not great with what's around me... People, places... That's thrue that i don't like my grand-father but it's not because of him! Not even for the rest of my family!
What i want to say it's i'm not great i don't feel at my place and i do it because i know where's my place. I know where i feel free and myself...
I think it's that.
My parents know now... They want me to meet a psy. I'm not so sure he or she is gonna help me. But what do i have to lose?!
Nothing... I already wanna kill myself!
