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Today was a hard day. I didn't know what the outcome would be. I had court today. After sitting behind bars for over a week with no bail. I thought I was going crazy. No bail, no calls or visits. Only person I could see was my attorney, who was telling me it was in my best interest to plead guilty.
I was a ball of nerves. I've had my fair share of trouble in the past, but never to the extent. I could literally be spending my life in prison with real criminals. I very well may have ruined my career and any chances of performing for my fans again.
The courtroom smells like disinfectant and old wood.
It hits me the second I walk in, like my body is already bracing for something it knows is coming. The kind of smell that says nothing here is meant to comfort you.
Nothing here is meant to care.
This place doesn't give a damn who I am.
I sit at the defense table, spine stiff, shoulders locked in place like if I move even an inch I might fall apart. My wrists are free now, but I still feel them—phantom cuffs tightening every time my pulse jumps. Like my body doesn't trust freedom anymore.
I haven't slept since I was put behind bars in that cold cell.
Every time I closed my eyes last night, it was the same thing. Headlights slicing through the dark. The engine screaming under my foot. Lacy laughing—then screaming. Metal folding in on itself. Silence so loud it felt violent. God.. I wonder how she was-no one on my team would give me an update. They said it wasn't the best look.
Scooter told me her family didn't want me or anyone associated with me-anywhere near her. Which I guess I understood.
I keep my eyes forward, fixed on the table like it might anchor me. My lawyer leans in, whispering something about procedure, about what to expect. I nod, because that's what I'm supposed to do. None of it sticks. My chest feels tight, breathing shallow, like I'm still strapped into that car, waiting for impact.
The bailiff calls the court to order.
My stomach immediately drops to the floor. I looked around the room quickly seeing scooter, and CeCe sitting directly behind me. CeCe gave me a sad smile, while Scooted nodded; like he knew everything would be ok.
Then I see Cliff, Cameron, Ethan and Greyson?
Cliff gave me a small nod, Cameron a thumbs up and Ethan a mouthed "we got you bro". It was all loving and supportive. No judgement, just them being there for me. Which I appreciated a lot, I haven't been the best friend to them. So I'm happy they're still here for me.
And then—
I don't know why this happens.
I swear it's the lights, or the exhaustion, or my brain finally breaking—but for a split second the crowd blurs, and I see something else layered over it.
