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See, this is why..
This is exactly why I've always said fuck love. I knew this shit was too good to be true, but yet here I am thinking I can change the outcome.
Thinking that I can change who I am- who I always will be. Ariana's better off without me anyway, maybe she should just be with Greyson.
It'll kill me- hell just the thought breaks me down. But I can't keep doing this crap to her. She's a good woman, and I'm just someone who can't control themselves.
Maybe this is just my "Spiral Season". Ha, I'll need more than a season to cover that.
Well, anyway. I didn't go back to the hotel.
I didn't answer CeCe's text. Or Scooter's calls. Or Jasmine's "are you okay???"
I walked two blocks in the wrong direction until I heard the bass from a rooftop penthouse party shaking the damn sidewalk.
Perfect.
I shoved past the velvet rope. Security didn't even stop me — fame has its perks — and stepped into a cloud of weed smoke, perfume, sweat, and neon.
Chaos.
Women in glitter dresses. Men yelling shots! A DJ screaming my name. Phones up and pointed at me immediately.
"ACE IS HERE!!" someone shrieked.
Good. Let them see me lose it.
Let Ariana see it too if she was still watching the internet.
I grabbed a shot off a random tray before the waitress even offered it. Downed it, and grabbed another-drowned it.
My throat burned. My chest stayed numb.
Great.
Two girls approached — tall, gorgeous, both looking at me like I was the prize of the night.
"Can we take a picture?" one asked sweetly.
"Sure," I said, pulling them both close.
The one on the right slid her hand up my abs. The other whispered, "You smell so good."
I laughed — empty. "Do I?"
They giggled. Phones flashed.
I didn't care.
I let one sit on my lap while the other fed me another shot. I pretended to enjoy it, but I felt so much right- too much. Damn, this all I knew how to do. Fuck up and then try to fix it by dragging myself down. I pretended I didn't wish Ariana was the one sitting here. I pretended I didn't feel like the world was tilting sideways.
