Neverland

thirty two

We did not arrive back to the Lost Boy fort until the early hours of the morning. The sky was a vibrant royal blue and the jungle hummed with the music of a thousand insects.

The journey was quiet, semi-awkward and quiet. At least it was a lot less stressful than the past days M and I endured. Walking with Leo and Harry leading the way eased the tension that had seemed to have a permanent grip on my shoulders. They were the two people I trusted most.

I had a lot of time to think during the hike home. Harry was walking a couple feet ahead of me, glancing over his shoulder to check on me every thirty seconds. Occasionally, he would smile at me with half his mouth, but my lips remained pressed together in a straight line. Whether my unresponsiveness was intentional or not, I'm not sure.

As we walked, I imagined Harry forming the same sad smile when he was growing up in the orphanage, smiling for the kids he took care of because he wanted to prove to them that it was okay. I also imagined him finally let his aggravation show through, but only in tiny moments, like kicking his foot against the wall, or exploding on one of his friends for denting his soccer ball.

One day, someone told him about his parents, or lack thereof, and then one day about the orphanage closing. He was a young and lonely boy, turned bitter and rebellious by circumstance. And finally one day, someone, that someone being Captain Hart, got a hold of him and told him about Neverland.

But something happened between then and now, something no one seemed to want to tell me. This one event connected us all together in some weird web, crossing threads of lives that were never supposed to cross in the original blueprint.

Maybe all of this was a mistake, but it was too late now. I was already captured in the web's sticky ties.

When we got back to the fort, everyone else was fast asleep.

"M and I are going to take a bath," I said to Leo and Harry as we stepped inside.

Leo nodded.

"Okay," Harry said, "Do you need anything?"

I shook my head and reached for M who was draped over Harry's back, fast asleep.

He handed her over to me. "Are you sure? Do you want more water? Food?"

"Harry I'm fine." I glanced from him to Leo. Both of them gaped at me like I was a ghost or something.

"Guys relax. I'll tell you if I need anything."

Leo blew out a soft laugh. "All I ask is that you don't run away again in the night or something."

"I won't."

"Promise?"

I was surprised to hear the plea come from Harry. He stared down at me, eyes drooping. He looked not only exhausted, but defeated.

"I promise," I said, looking into his eyes and then Leo's, "I promise you both."

Leo smiled and rolled his shoulders back. "Good. Well I'm off to sleep. Love you Waves."

"Love you too," I said.

He nodded at Harry and me before embarking up the winding steps.  A severely awkward silence descended the moment he left. I glanced at Harry, but he darted his gaze away from me when he caught my eye and let his hand rise to the back of his head.

For some reason, I thought about the fact that Harry had probably never said the words, "love you," to anyone, and frowned. Had he even felt love towards someone before?

He cleared his throat. "Well. Um. Goodnight Waverly."

His eyes rolled up to find mine in the dark and there was this blatant tension pulling in the air between us. There was so much I had to say to him, so much he probably wanted to tell me, but obviously didn't. All of these unsaid words floated around us in heavy black ink clouds, waiting to rain down.