Fracture

chapter 25

A String Around the finger

"Oh my god", said Sam.
"What Sam why are you acting like you see a ghost", said Nivea.
Nivea stood there as she left the room. She had on her favorite Namie Amuro shirt and a long white skirt that some black leather boots. Her shoes had metal buttons on it. Her hair was curled at the end and there was a Lilly in her hair.
"I'm going insane. I'm finally going insane. I got to change out of my clothes", said Sam.
She walks in the room, changes into her long red silk nightgown, and walks out to see that Nivea was still here.
"Oh fuck I'm still insane", said Sam,
"Sam I need you to focus for second ok", said Nivea.
"How can I just snap like this I'm talking to a dead person right now", said Sam.
"Yes you are talking to a dead person but right now you need to focus and hear what I'm saying right now and here what I'm saying", said Nivea.
"Ok wait you're not a ghoul we checked that. I know we did Leron did and I kinda looked when they wheeled your body away", said Sam.
"That right I'm not a ghoul Sam so you need to jump to the next conclusion ok", said Nivea.
"Well I then you could be a vampire but I know you could not your head was like off unless the serum that thing had works now like it brings back the dead or something', said Sam.
'Sam I really need you to get your head out of ass and your shit together right now I don't have time to be playing with you about this shit ok', said Nivea. 'Fine ok, then what the fuck are you then. If you are, suppose to be here which you're not. The dead does not come back to life I know that for sure', said Sam.
'You wanna know what the fuck I am I ghost am I some kind of thing that here yeah lets go with that. Hell I don't even know what the fuck I am. All I know is that I'm here and I don't have the time or the energy to be fucking around with the fucks I need to tell you stuff you either listen to me or you don't I just suggest you do because I got some shit to say to you so stop acting like a stupid twat', said Nivea.
'Well what is it that you wanna tell me huh what great plan do have for me. Cause right now all I see is bullshit on top of bullshit', said Sam.
'Sam all I know is that I really need you to listen to me", said Nivea.
"Why should I listen to you someone who doesn't know who they are", said Sam.
"Well I'll tell you this I can't move on until unfinished business is dealt here and I think it with you", said Nivea.
"So who the fuck told you that god", said Sam.
"No you moron it was the thing in the darkness after I died I been trying to talk to people around here but you're the only one who has been able to see me since I came back", said Nivea.
"Well if you're here then what the fuck do you wanna say to me because right now I'm not in the mood for a Christmas carol bullshit I got some problems right now and I really don't have time to hear about I could be a better person ok. I'm a fuck up human being and it working for me so what the fuck", said Sam.
"I wanna talk to about what I just say ok. What the fuck Jun kisses you and you slapped him why", said Nivea.
"Oh you don't have anything to say to me about him you abandon him a long time ago. You went off to china and you left him. He waited for you and you left him. I don't give a fuck what it was but you left man that loved you since he was a kid. Now you're going to tell me how to feel about him you don't have the right to tell me anything about this ok", said Sam.
"Sam fuck you know what you don't know shit all these years don't you think that shit was over a long time ago", said Nivea.
"Then why would it be you guys were talking about getting married and everything", said Sam.
"Sam that was high school stuff changes as you get older hell we both change when we got out of school. The relationship was already over for a long time we just didn't know it we were young and we found something in each other that made us whole but stuff changes as you get older. He wanted something that I didn't want", said Nivea.
"Well what was it that you didn't want", said Sam,
"I didn't want a family ok", said Nivea.
"Why the fuck not", said Sam.
"I just didn't want a kid that was different. I wanted to have a normal life ever since that night with you my life was totally different it not like I hated you for it but I wanted something different when it came to my personal life. I just wished I never knew then I could just forget it all but every time we had sex I thought about it. I wished I didn't feel that way but all I could do is feel that way. It made me crazy", said Nivea.
"So what you blame me for your life because you were a coward is that what you're telling me. Jun is a good man who loved you. He still probably does and you spit in his face when you say you could not handle it ok", said Sam.
"I am a coward and I was wrong but unlike you I was not born to do this I was never meant to do this. I was meant to do other things. I know that is not an excuse for what I am saying but it is something I do want to say to you", said Nivea.
"Oh what that coward what wisdom that you need to tell me", said Sam.
"That the regret that you feel inside from not telling the people you how you feel until it too late. The feeling you have inside when you know you hurt someone you love so much it hurts. It a feeling that you never want to feel no matter how much you say stuff happens it not enough. I have all of eternity to think about what I have done to him. I don't want you to feel how I feel. To know what I know about him. I know that he loves you since the moment that he met us. It was wrong that he fell for me. It was wrong that I never stepped a side for you. I was wrong but I don't wanna be wrong no more. I don't wanna be here saying that I love him and that you can't have him. I'm dead Sammy I'm never going to come back. It time to move on. Not just in your head but in your heart. I know that you can't see yourself moving on with him now but look in your heart and see him. I want you to see him for who he really is. See what I didn't see until it was too late that he is a great man", said Nivea.
Nivea started to cry and crawled into a ball in the corner.
"I'm not a fool I know who he is and I know that he loves me. I also know that unlike me, his feelings are all messed up and a man like that cannot be in a relationship. I am not a fool and do not come into my home and accuse me of this ok", said Sam.
"What are you saying Sam", said Nivea.
"I am saying that I know what I am doing he has a new life that does not involve us and we need to respect that have you ever thought that he does not know how to function without us. We may have not been babies when we met but we were young and we did lean on each other for everything in our lives you can't just think that he would not run to something that he knew was there and would not hurt him huh", said Sam.
Tears began to roll from her face and down her chest and clothes. She tried to push them away but they came slowly at first then began to roll more and more out of her.
"I just don't wanna be the rebound girl for him. I want him to love him for me and no one else. I want to feel good about how he feels about me. His feelings are based on us not me. You have to see that by now", said Sam.
"Sam why do you sell yourself short like that. He knows that you are a wonderful person. He knows how to separate us apart in his mind their nothing more special about me. He sees you why can't you see him", said Nivea.
"How can you say that you were his first everything", said Sam.
"I may have been his first but he wasn't mine for a lot of things. There are a lot of things that I never talk to you about", said Nivea.
"See this is what I am talking about you leave stuff to chance. You leave people to pick up the pieces after you leave", said Sam.
"Look I'm sorry that I never told you about stuff but I never thought you could handle stuff", said Nivea.
"Oh why because I was a child and you had to teach me stuff. I have a life just as important as your with just as much stuff in my life that had meaning but you always had this thought that you were over me", said Sam.
"I just thought that there are things I wanted to keep with myself ok. There are things that I wanted to be my own not the group. You know how hard it was to keep the perfect unit going. For god sakes Sammy even as adults, our identity was with the both of us. People say us as one person. I'm sorry if I wanted something to myself ok", said Nivea.
"There was something that was your own it was him", said Sam.
"No that was what was wrong because after a while I could see how he looked at you and I knew I never had him no matter what I do", said Nivea.
"So what past do you have that I don't know then Nivea. Who really are you", said Sam.
"There are things in life that I regret and their things that happen in my life that I want to keep from you for your own good", said Nivea.
"Why Nivea what left for you here and you still can't tell me about", said Sam.
"There is something that I just can't tell you about something that happened that change stuff for me. It something I went to the grave never telling you and I want nothing to do with now. What done is done and life has continued without you knowing and it will stay that way", said Nivea.
"You're a fool you know that keeping secrets this is why we are here now", said Sam.
"Oh why because if I told you this when I was alive would you make a move? You're always blaming me for why you don't leap. You went into the Special Forces to just run away from your problems and you would run away now. I know I'm fucked up but you try to hide it with your short skirts and high ideals for yourself. The truth is that you're a scared little girl and there is nothing really will change that but with yourself", said Nivea.
"So is it that you want me to do then. You came here to do something so you can move on right so what do you want to do", said Sam.
"I want you to try for once in your life. I want you to go to him and just talk to him ok", said Nivea.
"You think that is easy to do. He lives with his finance I think do you really think I can just walk up there and tell me how I feel just like that", said Sam.
"I don't just think you can I know you can. I know that in life, I never believe in you but I want to and I'm going to now. I just want you to try. That all I can ask of you is to try. Samantha can you try for me", said Nivea.
Sam walked to the door, held her hand in her hand, looked to the side, and then turns back.
"I can try but there one thing I have to ask of you", said Sam.
"What that Sam", said Nivea.
"What happened in china", said Sam?
"I lost a child Sam. It wasn't his but it haunted me Sam", said Nivea.
Sam shakes her head and then goes outside the door. The more she moved the faster she went. After she got down the stairs, she started to run to the entrance. Her hair started to flare up with nightgown. She stopped for a second and grabbed her velvet cloak from the side of the main table in the ready room. She then saw Tom in the corner doing work. She turned back and stated to run outside the door. She put on the cloak, got on her bike, and turned it on. She wrapped her gown, cloak under her so that the bike would not grab it, and started to ride out. She then stopped, thought, and looked back. She then rode completely out into the night. At that, moment snow started to fall on the November night. It would be a long night