i have been trying to feel
to know that i am alive and real
but i fear i am far too numb
and that makes me fear who i might become
i used to be happy everyday to see the sun
now i feel as if there is weights on me that weigh a ton
i don't know when the shift in myself had struck
but now i feel as if i am empty shell and stuck
maybe it started as a child when my mother wasn't there
when my first love said he did not care
when i had to sleep in my car and thought how is life fair
when i was 9 and my mother broke my arm
when i was 11 and started to self harm
when i was brought into a world that was so fake
every single person i have met all had to take and take
but when did the withering away start?
when did i begin to fall apart
and i feel as if now i am far from repair
but i do not want to wallow in despair
so i cover up my emotions
and ride the waves and oceans
