The House on Ainsworth Street

I can't handle this anymore

Sophias POV
I felt James unwrap himself from me and makes his way to his own bed because the nurse was about to come in to wake everybody up and give us our meds.
"Sophia, James, time to get up. Breakfast is here." I heard the nurse call out
As I get up I turn around to see James and I smile at him. While he's putting on his shirt he gives me a little smile back.
"Goodmorning beautiful"
"Bleh, good morning" I say back.
I never know what to say when I get compliments. Oh well.
He makes his way over to me and as he's doing that I'm backing away. Then my back is on the wall. He gives a little smirk knowing I can't go anywhere. He grabs both of my hands and sets them on the wall. I could feel his full body against mine. It feels so good. I've never had this with someone before.
He looks into my eyes and kisses me slowly. As he's kissing me passionately he puts his hands on my hips and pulls my body harder and closer to his.
I smile into the kisses. I could feel his mouth make a grin as he pulls away.
"Come on, let's go get breakfast, and put on some pants." He says as he looks down and smiles.
He gets out to get breakfast and I'm in the room thinking on what just happened.
Holy shit.
holy shit.
Did this really happen?
I don't want to eat breakfast. I feel weird. Not weird but this type of feeling I can't explain. I guess I've been inside the room for a while cause the nurse comes in.
"Sophia, come on let's go" the nurse says as she opens the door.
"I'm not hungry. I don't want to eat" I say as I cover my body.
"Sophia, you're going to lose points if you don't eat".
Oh yeah I forgot to tell you about points.
okay so what they are is that you have these points you receive everyday for doing something good for yourself. It looks good on you if you get points for eating, bathing, taking your meds, brushing your teeth and yada yada. Basically your doctor will know that your taking care of yourself and you'll have a better chance of getting out.
"No nurse I don't want to eat "
"Okay.." She says as she writes something on her clipboard and walks away.
Then right now I have time to think for myself.
What am I doing? I'm in a mental hospital. Oh my god. I've been missing school. I've been missing out on socializing. On having good grades. This is on my record.
I can't breath, its like everything is closing in. I can't seem to catch my breath. Oh no. I'm having a panic attack.
I'm such a failure. To myself. My dad. My school. My brother. I walk to the bathroom and shut both doors. There's no locks on the doors so I can't lock them.
I look at myself in the mirror and punch it. So hard that all the glass shatters. I bet the nurses heard. I grab a piece of the shattered glass and do it. 1 cut. Another. I hear footsteps coming as fast as they can into the room.
The nurse finds me and gets the shattered glass away from my hand.
Its like everything is happening in slow motion.
I feel her lift me up and she's running with me as I'm in her arms.
"CALL SOMEONE TO HELP SHES LOSING A LOT OF BLOOD"
And with that.
I dose off.