Castaway ➵ Billie Joe Armstrong

Castaway

October 23 1995,

Patience runs out quickly for me. It's never been my thing. I don't stand for it but I have to put up with it. It's one thing I detest. I'm running out of it minute by minute. It's driving me to the point of insanity. Not seeing my best friend is insane. Leaving is insane. Love is insane.

I'm a castaway. I'm tired of patiently waiting. He's singing his heart out while I'm crying my eyes out. From Texas to Oakland for this. This heart break.

Maybe he still loves me. These confessions. These feelings. These tears. The clock ticks and ticks. Every hour that goes by is getting closer and closer to seeing him. I'm going insane. I'm a 'basket case' in his words.

Maybe he found someone better. Maybe he's happier. Maybe he's better off. Maybe he's laughing at the thought of me loving him. Maybe I'm a worthless bitch.

No calls. No letters. No messages. No nothing. For the past fucking month. I'm now wishing I wasn't here. I should have stayed in Texas. 

Nothing is okay. Nothing ever will be. Maybe I'll find my Nirvana one day. I'll find my peace. My place in this world. Maybe the love of my life.

I doubt anyone would want to be with an insomniac fuck. Nobody will want to put up with my demons. With my depression. With my panic attacks.

I'm best friends with my doubts.

I've always been a loner. I've only had one friend through out my life. She's put up with everything. I'm grateful. Thanks to her I found three other friends. She's the reason I found my happiness and my sorrow.

I've promised myself I wouldn't fall in love with my best friend. I'm a worthless fuck who fell in love.

I'm a castaway.

-Collin

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This story has been in the works since June. Finally.

-Me