Priceless: A Niall Fanfiction

Chapter 1

(WARNING: May Trigger) 

            The flame licked against my skin as I sat there and rolled my head back in pleasure and pain. It felt so good, but the sting was the best part, the pain was my pleasure. I let a tear roll down my cheek. I looked back at my wrist, a red welt had appeared marking the spot where the flame had been. I stopped and looked at it with curious eyes. My world began to blur, a tear slipped out and lands on the newly made mark, it stung.

            I wiped away the tears and got up off the toilet seat. I slipped the lighter in my pocket and wadded up a bit of toilet paper and walked to the mirror. I dabbed at my eyes until they weren’t as red anymore.

            Worthless whore. I felt the tears start to come back up; I took a deep breath and collected myself.

            Fat cunt. I placed my hands on the side of the sink and leaned in closer to the mirror. I felt my throat swell as I tried not to cry again. I thought about my One Direction Meet and Greet tickets and how everything with them will make me forget for at least one minute. I wanted to see him one last time…. At least I’d get to see them and meet them one time before I was gone.

            I examined my eyes; crystal blue spheres hovering in the white surroundings. I glanced towards my lips, shaped as if made for a lipstick model. I looked at my hair, brown but wavy. I ran my fingers under my eyes one more time making sure there are no tears. And finally, I lifted my shirt up to reveal my stomach. I was not skinny, I was fat.

            Crazy bitch. I felt a tear come close to surfacing but I pushed it back down, fighting the feeling of insecurity.

            No one will ever love you. I blinked but continued on letting a tear gently fall into the sink.

            Kill yourself already. I always winced at that one because that was the worst. They will finally get their wish after Saturday. Everyone will be happy.

            I wiped under my eyes once more before walking back to class. Still close to tears but closer to hell. 

            Walking down the hallway to class I felt so weak, and I hated feeling  that way in public. I quickly shook off the pain and smiled. It took all my effort to turn the corners of my mouth up. It just seemed so much easier to frown; there was no effort.

            I looked up and saw her, the girl that gave me hell; she smiled a bitchy one and stopped in front of me. “Carson, how was your cry? We all know you go to the bathroom and bawl.”  She cocked her head like a dog, nodded it a bit and opened her eyes a bit wider.

            I tried to step around her. I was not in the mood. But she stepped with me making sure I couldn’t get by.

            “This isn’t funny,” I whispered to the ground. I stared at my feet.

            “Actually, I think it’s hilarious.” She laughed at her words then went silent. “You’re so worthless,” she moaned, “you’re not even fun to make fun of anymore. Kill yourself,” a pause,  “ugly bitch.” She spat.

            I winced as she began to walk away and pushed her shoulder into mine resulting in a fall to the ground for me and a high pitch giggle for her.

             I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to go on. I didn’t want to live. I wanted it to end. But it was Thursday, and maybe just maybe if I made it through until Saturday, I’d meet One Direction and I would finally be content and I could finally end all this pain.