"Dear Hiatus..." (Sequel to A Living Hell) // Fall Out Boy

This Is Where You Come To Beg - Part Two (Varying POVs)

(Patrick's POV)

"Hey, Lindsay," I said, sitting down in the chair.

"Hi Patrick!" she smiled. "So, if we can just jump into this right away," she started. "What was this whole thing like for you?"

"Like you'd expect," I shrugged, rubbing the back of my neck. "It sucked, in all honesty, but I tried to be strong for everyone else, you know? I guess I just held everything in until we escaped and I was back home with Elisa and Declan."

"Declan...?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, crap, I didn't mention it," I said. "While we were locked away, I missed the birth of my first kid ... Pete did too, with his and Meagan's first kid together, Saint."

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I didn't know that," she frowned.

"Y-Yeah, it really sucked. I'm still mad about it, but then I just try to focus on the fact that I'm still alive and with them now, with everyone, really," I shrugged again.

"You know, you don't always have to be as strong as you are," she said, resting her hand on my knee. "Holding everything in isn't good for you; let it all out once in a while."

"I-I know," I said, getting teary-eyed. "I-I just want to be the hero, I guess. I wanna be the one that everyone looks to for 'guidance.' I guess in all reality, I need someone like that f-for myself."

"So, back to the whole ordeal," she said. "How did you feel when you were locked in there?"

"Hopeless," I plainly said. "Incredibly fucking hopeless."

"Any thoughts of doing something to yourself?"

"Every day," I shrugged again. "Every god damn day, that's all that went through my head; 'hm, maybe today I'll decide to kill myself. Maybe today Courtney will hurt me bad enough to the point where it kills me. Maybe I'll just fucking die,'" I explained. "I mean, I've had down times in my life before, like planning to kill myself before I turned twenty; things like that. But, nothing compared to these two times with her."

"I'm sorry you had all those thoughts," she frowned again. "How did you feel when you realized you were getting out?"

"Oh man," I said. "The feeling is indescribable, really. It was the best feeling I've ever had in my whole life. Freedom is my new favorite word, I think," I chuckled.

"How have you been holding up now?" 

"Eh, not horrible, but not great either," I said. "I kind of let everything out when I came home, and more so when the guys came a few days ago."

"How so?"

"After I got home, every night - when I actually did sleep - I'd be woken up from these horrible nightmares. They were flashbacks of things that happened, or things I made up in my head. Like, one of them was me dreaming that Elisa created a whole new life without me, after realizing that I probably wasn't coming back. I woke up basically crying my eyes out. I mean, I gotta give El credit, she's been really supportive of me and is there for me through all of this."

"I've heard a lot about her from you, and all I can say is that she seems like the perfect girl for you," Lindsay smiled. 

"I love her so much," I smiled back. "Anyway, and when the guys came, that's when I let everything out I didn't tell Elisa. Like, how I was suicidal, how I wished I could just end everything and forget it all. I hadn't told her any of that, and I think I scared her a little."

"Are you still suicidal?" she asked.

"Eh," I said, wavering my hand. "Not actively."

"What do you mean by that?"