STARRY EYES | mileven

twenty one

there's a truth in acting that the more you film a scene, the more detached you become from it. your movements, your lines, even your blinking starts to feel mechanical. repetition turns into a barrier, until there's nothing left tying you — the actor — to the scene.

or at least that's how it should've been.

because each time they had to start over and kiss, touch, move — it started to feel less like a task, less like a job. it became harder to hold hide behind jane when what jane was feeling didn't need to be acted out anymore, when the way her body responded was brimmed with desire, with need, to be alone with mike.

by the time they finally yelled "cut!" for the last time, el was far too deep in a haze, stuck somewhere between the space of the scene and actual reality. she barely remembered how she responded to the praises from the crew — someone saying how good it looked, someone else saying how believable it was.

she simply nodded along to the words said around her, fingers clumsy as she pulled the robe back around herself. everything was a huge daze, she simply drifted along a mist that covered her from all sides — until meeting his dark gaze once more.

everything else fell away.

his attention was already on her, a silent agreement clearing the air without hesitation. the pull had finally snapped, the want so palpable now that ignoring it would feel like punishment.

they slipped away from the noise and the people and everything that had been holding them in place, until the trailer door closed behind them with a soft click that drowned over the sound of their lips meeting.

his mouth moved against hers, freed from the restraints of before, no motions to follow through, no audience to perform for. his hand slid from her jaw, down to her neck and then lower, settling at her waist to pull her even closer.

their feet shuffled blindly until the back of her legs hit the bed, her body folding back onto it with a breath knocked from her chest as he followed her down without breaking the kiss. his hands moved urgently, pushing her robe open, slipping it off her shoulders, while her fingers found the edge of his robe, dragging it apart just as desperately, her palm pressing flat against his warm skin.

his breath broke against her mouth, a silent sound slipping out of him as her touch settled. his kiss faltered for half a second before he came back to her harder, more intently, his hips pressing forward to meet hers.

whatever control he'd been holding onto was gone the moment his erection brushed her center. "fuck—" a rough and low sound dragged out of him.

his mouth broke from hers only to drag along her jaw, down her neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses that sent shivers down her spine, each one making it harder to hold onto anything but him. his hands didn't stop moving, couldn't seem to settle, sliding over her sides, her waist, her stomach, like he couldn't decide where he wanted her most.

her head tipped back slightly, giving him more space without thinking, her breath catching again as her fingers tightened in his robe, pulling him closer until his chest hovered just a breath away from hers.

he kissed his way back up to her lips.

"i was so sure they were gonna notice my fucking boner," he murmured against her mouth.

a small, breathy chuckle left her, her hands slipping up to intertwine behind his neck. "don't worry," she said, "i'd have a boner too if i had a dick."

a quiet laugh escaped him, shaking his head as damp strands of his hair brushed against her forehead. "you're so fucking—" he cut himself off, the words hanging unfinished, because nothing he could say would be enough.