Sincerely, Mara. {Wattys2015}

xvi

"perfection is a disease of a nation."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

m a r a came to school the next day wearing a cardigan and a pair of light washed jeans.

she never wore jeans.

no one questioned it though.

cause no one cared.

she walked through the halls with the same fake smile on her face, waving and occasionally talking to certain people.

until she saw him.

her smile didn't falter.

she kept pretending to be happy.

but then he walked away.

and her smile disappeared.

instinctually, she followed him.

all the way into the supply closet.

"do you have it?"

he sighed, and pulled out a small bag.

she grinned at him.

reaching to take the bag from his hand, but he pulled away before she could.

"you promised."

her head went down.

her shirt went up.

and his camera flashed.

she pulled down her top quickly, but her stopped her half way.

"what's the rush, buttercup?"

his hand tried to pull the top back up but she slapped his hand and grabbed the bag.

"don't ever do that again."

she walked out, pulling her top all the way down and smiled once more.

*~*~*~*

m a r a pushed open the bathroom door, making sure no one was there.

when the coast was clear, she pulled the small plastic bag out of her book bag.

she pulled out the bottle of pain killers and stared at it.

it was dangerous.

it was wrong.

But it helped.

so it was okay.

popping it open, she put three in her hand, pulled out her drinking flask and downed the pill.

one shot.

nothing.

she tried again.

two shots.

again, nothing.

three shots.

nothing.

frustrated, she threw the now empty bottle across the bathroom, stumbling as it hit the wall.

her eyes closed,

little black dots dancing across her eyelids.

she was feeling dizzy.

and then she fell.

she knew this would happen.

she knew that doing this could kill her.

but she would be fine.

it hurt though.

but she couldn't complain.

after all,

you can't have perfection without pain.

sincerely, m a r a.