Beyond the Pain

Beyond the Pain - Chapter Thirteen.

Chapter thirteen.

That night, I found it very difficult to sleep. The light snoring coming from George and the sound of my own heartbeat drumming through my body didn’t help. It was hard not to think, and even harder not to think about Nick. I was so used to having him lying next to me that I was still lying on my side of the bed, curled up, so that he would have enough room to stretch out. I had my dogs, but even I couldn’t hide the fact that they weren’t as good at comforting me as Nick was. They had nothing to say on the matter; no words of wisdom to help me through.

    I sighed and pushed my face harder into the pillow, willing my eyes to stay closed and my mind to switch off. I opened my eyes again and sat up, turning to look back at my pillow. I hit it a few times to fluff it up and then lay my head back down on it, pulling the duvet further up, so that only my eyes were not covered. Then I got too hot, so I kicked my duvet down towards my feet. Dylan woke up and cocked his head at me, wondering what I was doing. To be honest, I didn’t know myself. If only Nick was here; he’d know.

    I decided to give up all together, lying staring at the ceiling wouldn’t help anything. Of course the dogs all woke up as I climbed out of bed, curious to know where I was going at this time of morning. I wandered downstairs, checking my phone for messages in the kitchen. Surely Nick must be missing me by now. But he hadn’t left as message, or tried to ring me.

    I put the kettle on; caffeine could do no harm if I couldn’t sleep anyway. I then slumped down on the sofa with a couple of sleeping puppies for a cuddle. It was so hard to know what to do. I couldn’t call him; that would defeat the object of a break-up. And we had broken up, as hard as it was to admit to myself. We just went together; Charlotte and Nick. Now I was just Charlotte, and I felt like I’d been cut in half and left with the worst part. Not even my mum could comfort me now. She tried, but she didn’t even know what was going on in my life. She was ill anyway and I didn’t want to give her the burden of my problems. She had enough to worry about already.

    Jayne could look after her. I knew it was my responsibility too, but how could I visit if Jayne would be there? I’d probably end up sneaking round when she was at work. I’d also have to show my face at the wedding. It would look bad if the bride’s sister wasn’t there. It was four weeks away; maybe we would have made up by then.

    The kettle informed me it had boiled, so I placed the toasty puppies back in bed and walked back to the kitchen. After pouring myself a cup of tea, I decided I needed something stronger. Searching in the bottom kitchen cupboard where we kept the alcohol, I came across some unopened whiskey. Unscrewing the lid, I swallowed a gulp before pouring a small amount into my mug. It tasted awful, but I could already feel the loosening of my shoulders and the warm feeling of relaxation creeping over me as I sat back down on the sofa.

    I looked at the clock on the wall. 1AM. Maybe I should open that bottle of red wine that I’d found in the cupboard too. I slowly drank my tea, resting my head against the cushioned back of the leather couch. The dogs had all realised I was settled again and decided to go back to sleep downstairs. Holly was with her puppies, George lay at my feet with Dylan beside him and Bess had her head on my knee, the rest of her body stretched across the empty seat beside me. No one cared enough to stay up and keep me company tonight.

    After finishing my tea, I heaved myself up again and searched in the cupboard for the bottle of wine that I needed. Pouring myself a large glass, I took the bottle, the glass and myself back to bed.

    “That’s right, Dyl. Come to bed with me. There’s plenty of room.” He padded up the stairs after me. I made myself comfortable again and switched the lamp on beside the bed, turning on the radio to drown the painful silence.