Beyond the Pain

Beyond the Pain - Chapter Eight.

Chapter eight.

We ate home made soup on Kat's bed, Mia asleep between us.

“She's worn out, bless her.”

“How come?” I asked.

“I think it's hard work for her at school. They shouldn't let five year olds go. They're too young.”

I watched Mia's chest rise and fall as she breathed, noticing how fragile she looked. I felt so sorry for her, but she didn't seem to mind going to school. Me and Kat seemed to be more concerned than she was.

“Has she made any friends yet?” I asked, noticing Kat was watching me.

“She did make friends with this one girl called Lydia, but she broke her ribs on a skiing trip and she's going to be off for a long time.”

That was typical.

“That's a shame. I was sure she would make friends, she's such a nice kid,” I said, stroking my finger down her cheek, “then again, I used to be sure about everything.”

Kat looked up suddenly.

“How are things with you and Nick? Is he still working all the time?”

I nodded.

“He seems very distant lately. I'm not sure if it's to do with work, or me.”

Kat tucked Mia under the covers and led me into the spare bedroom, where we lay down under the duvet.

“You haven't done anything wrong. If he's distant, it'll be something he's done,” she said, closing her eyes.

I thought about this, but I couldn't think of an explanation. Nick was so loyal and loving. I couldn't imagine him doing anything wrong. I propped myself up on my elbow and shook my head.

“No,” I said, “it must be to do with work. What else could it be?”

Kat widened her eyes.

“Do you really want me to answer that?” she gasped, widening her eyes, “but I'm not suggesting anything. You're right, Nick isn't like that. He's one of the most decent men I've ever met.”

I smiled, wishing I could say the same about Carlo.

Kat got up to draw the curtains and I used the opportunity to go and check on Mia. I knew she would be asleep, but I felt she would be lonely all the same. As Kat opened a box of chocolates, I tiptoed down the landing and gently pushed her bedroom door. Mia was lying exactly where we'd left her and the only sound was her breathing.

Checking Kat hadn't followed me, I crept over to Mia's bed and perched on the edge, just beside her toes. She took a deep breath and rolled onto her back as I sat down, pushing the hair away from her face.

As she did this, a framed photograph on the bedside table caught my eye. I had never noticed it before. It must have been taken a few days after Mia was born, as she still had wrinkled baby skin and she was tiny. She was wrapped in a pink blanket and Kat was holding her; both of them asleep. I remember those days. I hadn't been in to see Mia because I was still grieving for Lily. Kat had sent me photos every day, but I hadn't looked at any of them. I was still too afraid to see another baby. I wondered if this was one of the photos she had sent. I also realised as I was gazing at them, that this was the first time I'd ever seen my god-daughter as a newborn.

My eyes stung from all the crying I'd done today and I wasn't going to let a photograph set me off again, but my hands still trembled with the pain as I dragged my eyes from the image. Wandering back into the hallway, I heard a voice downstairs and suddenly everything seemed alright again. It was Nick.