Summer Jam (gxg)

23. Hope

The new semester started three weeks ago, and I have never felt so alone. I asked for a roommate change at the beginning of the term, and I am pretty sure the girl I am sharing a room with is avoiding me already. The reading club has been a much needed safe space, but even there no one seems to care about either of the books I have been reading, and I can't bring myself to care for any of the couples who have been populating the room since last semester.

I am lucky enough that Rachie and I still text everyday, but I can't help putting up a wall between us. I am not quite sure I like the new room arrangement, but I know it's what I need for now.

***

This morning, coffee in hand, I rush to class. I cannot believe my coffee machine broke and that I had to go out of my way to buy one right before Mrs. Stainley's lecture. That teacher is scary as hell, and I cannot miss one of her lectures or even be late without stressing about the assignments...

The hallway passes in a blur, until, a few classroom doors from mine, my eyes finally come into focus. Sarah is standing right in front of me, laughing with a friend whose face blends in the blur, her adorable curls bouncing with the motion. I abruptly stop running, and a student bumps into my shoulder. Sarah sees me, and I suddenly wish I hadn't stopped to look at her.

"Hi", I manage.

"Hi", she says softly.

The hallway goes quiet; lectures must have started. I slightly trip on my feet on my way to get closer to her, and she chuckles. How could I ever have let her go?  I bring my fingers to my cheeks to cool my face a little, unable to look away.

"How have you been since...", she trails off.

"My mom actually hugged me. She said she wants to meet you". I choke on the last words, panic rising.

She lets out a small laugh, ruffling a hand through her hair, and my knees weaken a little.

"I, hm, I should go", she finally says.

I beg her to wait in my thoughts, and when she begins to turn around I grab her arm. My eyes feel wet, and I blink a few times before talking. This might be my last chance to get to her, and I am begging my body not to let me mess it up.

"The night you asked me to go, I knew what I wanted, but I don't believe any of us was ready for it, and I had some things to fix on my own."

She doesn't look at me, but when I intertwine my fingers with hers she lets me. I drag her past Mrs Stainley's classroom, all the way to a darkened part of the hallway where no one ever goes, and I sit on the ground, my back to the wall. She follows me down, leaning her head on my shoulder just like that first night we met. I close my eyes.

"I read every Stephen King novel I could find at the library just so I could find a reason to talk to you. And then the book would end, and I would miss you again. The need to call you would burn me all the way through my fingers, but I could never bring myself to call." I fear that I am not making any sense, my thoughts jumping from one to another. "I missed talking to you so, so much", my voice breaks, and I take a second to put myself back together. Sarah encouragingly rubs the back of my hand, patiently waiting for me to go on.

"I also talked to Rachel." I feel her tense up against my side, the motion of her fingers against my hand abruptly stopping, but I continue. "I cannot promise I won't ever talk to her, I do not want to cut her off. I however can promise that I thought through my feelings, for her and... for you." I breathe in. "I can't deny that I have fallen for you, and the hole I thought only Rachel would ever be able to fill felt like it was being painfully carved out of me when you asked me to leave. I needed to talk to her, to make sure it was how I felt before I could properly articulate it to you. I hm, I need you to know that I chose you, and that my heart chose you before my head could even understand it."

She squeezes my hand, and for once I am not the one that appears to be at a loss for words. She squeezes my hand.

"Do you want to head to the pizza place next to my dorm room?", she finally asks. "We could, you know... talk about the novels you read ?"

"Is that you giving me a chance ?" I ask.

She chuckles, gets up, and offers me a hand to help me up. She starts walking towards the elevators, her pinky finger still locked with mine.

"Maybe", she smiles.

I feel my cheeks getting warm, and I cannot suppress the feeling of hope bubbling inside me. We have a lot of talking to do, but the novels would be a good start point.

I also might be getting ahead of myself, but can't wait to tell dad, and even for mom to see how amazing of a girl I am going to be bringing home.

♡♡♡

Hi!
I feel like last time I posted a chapter was so long ago that none of the original readers will ever get to read the end, but I just couldn't let Jamie's story unfinished.

Thank you for anyone who is still reading this, it means a lot to me ♡