Father Romy was glad to see that the light in the confessional box was on. That meant that there was a priest there, waiting for penitents to list all their sins. Although he was a priest or perhaps because he was a priest, Father Romy had to go to confession like any other Catholic. He could not forgive his own sins; another priest had to do that. Catholic doctrine was even more strict than the unwritten code of medical doctors. Medical doctors could self-diagnose and self-medicate, even if they could not listen to their own heartbeats nor think objectively about their symptoms, but a priest had to have another priest to give him absolution.
There was nobody else in the church except Father Romy and the priest in the confessional. Father Romy waited for a few minutes, just to be sure that there was no penitent inside the confessional box. He knelt down inside the penitent side of the confessional box. "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned," he began. "My last confession was a week ago."
He did not know and he did not care if it was the other priest of the parish on the other side. All priests were bound by the seal of confession, and even if they would talk later on at dinner, his fellow priest would never mention anything said inside the confessional box. Sometimes, priests from outside the parish would come to hear confessions; that would be even less awkward later.
"I had bad thoughts, Father," Father Romy said. "In my mind, I looked with lust at a woman's breasts."
It was quite a struggle for Father Romy to say the word breasts, but he wanted to describe his sin as precisely as he could.
He could see the shadow on the other side nodding. He himself, when he was hearing confessions, often fell asleep. Hearing people being sorry for their sins was the most boring duty of a priest. He could not pay too much attention to the sins, he could never talk about them to anyone anyway, he wasn't even supposed to remember them after giving absolution to penitents. He remembered vaguely someone confessing to a murder, but he could not remember who it was.
"In my mind, I undressed her, Father," Father Romy continued. "I imagined myself embracing her, kissing her." He could feel a hard-on coming, even when he was just trying to repeat what he did in his mind. Or what he thought he did. He could not even remember whether he did fantasize about Miss Julie when she was in the rectory or whether he was fantasizing only now.
"I am also guilty of the sin of pride, Father," Father Romy said. "I argued for the sake of argument. I did not think of the welfare of others. I did not think of the principal who could maybe even lose her faith. I thought only of myself, of how I was conflicted, of how I wanted to touch that woman."
Father Romy spoke faster and faster, his voice matching his excitement in remembering or not remembering, in fantasizing then or now. In his mind he held a portrait of Julie with lips parted.
"Please forgive me, Father. I need absolution. I need your blessing."
"Go and sin no more," came the hardly audible voice.
Father Romy stood up and left the confessional box. He stayed in a pew just beside it. He said three Our Fathers and three Hail Marys.
He glanced at the confessional. The light was still on. There were no other penitents around. He was the only one in the church aside from the priest in the confessional box. Then the light turned off.
Father Romy waited for the priest to come out of the confessional. It took a while. Father Romy became bothered. Maybe something happened to the priest. Maybe he really fell asleep, or maybe he even passed out.
Father Romy went to the confessional box and opened the priest compartment. It was empty.
YOU ARE READING
Love After Heaven
RomanceA murder victim gets a chance to return to earth to meet his wife and her lover. He still loves his wife, despite her complicity in his murder. But he returns to earth not as himself but as a priest! How can he and his wife come together again? What...
