In Her Shoes

The Missing Piece-Part 2

"Ashima, this is about Brad, Bradely Johnson."

"Who?" I asked not recognising the name.

"Brad is your biological son. You remember I was soliciting for Mr and Mrs. Johnson when you agreed to carry out the surrogacy for them. So technically, he is Bradely Johnson and he is your biological son."

All breath was knocked out of my body. I has anticipated the call has something to do with the surrogacy I carried out years back, since that had been my only connection with Mr. Sharma but I was not expecting to learn details about the child I gave birth to and then gave away.

"Why are you telling me all this Mr. Sharma? Didn't we decide never to be in touch after that again? That couple was very sure that they didn't want me to contact Br...their child ever." I told him.

"Things have changed Ashima, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson died in a car accident, a month back. Brad survived that accident miraculously. The authorities in the U.S were trying to find some relative to take him in when they found out about you, through the agreement papers. I was contacted by them to ask you, if you are willing to take him in."

"Is that even possible?" I spoke, rubbing my temple to ease the headache that had developed and contemplated what to do about the heartache that was piercing my very soul.

I felt as if I was spiralling down a bottomless rabbit hole, trying to keep myself calm while I was certainly running out of oxygen.

"Yes it is, if you are willing. He is not your responsibility, he could go to state care and find a foster home. I want you to consider it Ashima, he has no one to call his own.Take your time, I will call again."

"Wait...where is he now?"

" In a hospital, recovering from his physical injuries. I don't know about his heart. I can send you a pic if you want."

"No" I yelled at the phone and disconnected.

I couldn't find enough courage to face Rajat, right now so I lied about an important call from office and that I had to leave right away.

Rajat nodded in understanding and offered to drop me. I took his offer and went back to office immersing myself in work.

The day had offered me two very big decisions to make but I didn't want to think anymore.

The eventful evening faded into a silent night. I found myself lost in deep thoughts and memories, I had buried a long time back.

I was a young orphan at that time living with my maternal uncle and aunt in a small village of Gujrat. Though I was always low on resources, I had lots of dreams and aspirations. I was a bright kid and all my teachers encouraged me to do better in life. Old newspapers and magazines, borrowed from the school library showed me a world of possibilities and a lifestyle I could only dream of.

After High School I had hoped to go to a good city college. Though my academic background was solid, my uncle flatly refused to fund my college studies. Even if I had secured a scholarship, living in the city would be expensive, added to that was the taboo of a girl staying alone in a city.

All my hopes were crushed. It was then that a village lady, one day suggested me a short cut to money, Surrogacy. Apparently a lot of woman were doing it, married and single. You had to go through a procedure, sign some papers, all the cost were taken care of by them. You had to just pop the baby out, at the end of nine months and earn an amount that seemed insane at that time.

I was healthy and at the right age, eighteen, for them. I was apprehensive at first, single pregnant girls were outcast by the society but we forged a plan. I was to go to the city under the pretext of education, funded by an NGO. Boarding and lodging were provided by them. I will give birth there and then I was free to go with all the money needed to start my college. It just delayed my education by an year but it made it possible.

I knew my Aunt and Uncle were least bothered about me. Under their guardianship, I was destined to get married in a month or so, to any rascal they found suitable.

So, I took a decision and went ahead. Entire nine months I didn't lose my focus on my studies, for me, the protuding belly was a dead weight I was carrying.

My aspirations were too strong for me to think of anything else. I was too young to understand the life inside me.

The fateful day came, I underwent a c-section but I never heard the baby cry or even get a glimpse of how he looked. If he had my nose or my dimples, if any part of him was mine, I never came to know.

That time the money in my account was relief enough to forget all the trouble and carry on with the life I had planned for myself.

I pursued my degree and career with a fever only I had known. Today, I was sucessful beyond my own expectations but lying on my bed alone, staring at the ceiling why did I feel defeated.

Next few days went in a daze, I was thankful that neither the lawyer nor Rajat were bothering me.

Work became a welcome respite from thinking too much but unfortunately the wheels of my mind were churning day and night. When the insomnia became unbearable,I knew, I will have to decide and get over with it.

The more I thought about it, it became clear that I had never thought much about my life beyond having a career. A loving husband and a house full of kids were never in picture.

Being in relationship with Rajat had given me insight into an entirely different world. I was attached to him like no one else before. Marrying him would give me a chance to build a home, find love and build a family.

On the other hand taking Brad might reduce all that to dust. Will I be able to connect with him? Will he accept me, after calling someone else his monther for so long?

Then I thought, if I don't marry Rajat, he might take some time but eventually, will move on. But Brad?

Brad will become an orphan, just like me. Some loner, desperate for college funds or worse, some abused kid who would rather do drugs than college. Can I do that to any child, leave alone mine, if it was in my hands?

It hit home and my mind became clear if Rajat wants me then he'll have to have all of me, including the parts that were breathing outside my body.

I met Rajat next morning and told him the entire story and my decision.

Unlike me, he didn't need time to think it through. He was hurt that I didn't tell him about my past earlier but he was clear that he couldn't imagine building a life with someone else's kid. He was sceptical if he could trust me anymore.

I understood and respected his decision but couldn't help wondering if love was even possible.

Then I called up Mr. Sharma and asked him to complete the formalities, I will be travelling to US to get Brad.

I also requested for his picture which Mr. Sharma promptly sent to my phone.

Boy, did he look like me? The dimples were definitely there and his hair were black just like mine. One look at him and I knew, he was the missing piece of my soul.

Till that day I had never thought about a family but just like that I became a Mother.