In Her Shoes

Dad....

Hi Friends, Sorry! It has been some time since I updated. Holiday season and a naughty son didn't help. This one is straight from the heart so please bear if you think it's extremely short and I sincerely hope you guys would comment. I seriously want a little encouragement. Lost something really important few days back.

"Aarghh..", I never thought I would be so happy and so frustrated at the same time. Three months, that's all it took for my world to turn upside down. Actually, not three months I was swept off my feet in just one look, that one moment when Charles looked into my eyes that night. That night when his heart was so broken, so delicate and so fragile.

Everything changed that night. He didn't have to profess his love, for me to see how he felt. It was all going very smooth, till a week ago when he did the impossible. He asked if I would marry him and I said yes, just like that. A yes, without realising the consequences of my decision and then it dawned on me "DAD".

To say that I was scared would be the understatement of the year. I was absolutely petrified, think of a 8 feet high lion walk into your room as you are reading this. Yes, my pulse was racing, my palms were wet and I was choking to death.

Don't get me wrong, my dad's no cold blodded murderer or a drug lord. He is a darling who absolutely adores his little princess. Ever since I started forming memories, my best ones are with him. I remember him giving me a bath while I stood in a wooden bucket under the tap near our field.I remember his big calloused hands helping my tiny ones as we planted the strawberries together. I remember him carrying me on his shoulders when we walked along the yellow sky and the crimson water of the Alba lake. I distinctly remember him carrying me to bed and tucking me in when I was completely exhausted. When I grew up a little bit and was heavy enough, sometimes, even when I was wide awake I would pretend to be in deep slumber just to make him carry me.That simple bearded farmer was not just my father he was my alter ego.

He trusted me, I know that.I just need to say the word and he will say nothing at all.That's it, that's the scary part I will never know what he really thinks about Charles.I don't think he ever prepared himself to give his precious daughter away, will he be angry? Will he be ready to share my love with Charles? I want him to like Charles, but how do you do that?

A speech, it sounded like a perfect idea till two weeks ago. Now I am here and it's my last day at home, guess what, I don't have a speech. No matter how hard I tried my brain refused to cooperate. I have a flight to catch today so I decided I will go with an impromptu one.

I changed into my skinny jeans, beige top, brown leather boots and the caramel color leather coat that dad gifted me two years back. As I entered dad's room I kept my right palm on my racing heart and told myself as firmly as I could, "Courage".

Dad's room had been the same for years now. We never moved a thing except that instead of him I had to talk to his picture in this room. Dad left me two years back. Surgeon as I was, I couldn't help his Cancer. Although his last words to me were that he was so proud of me I couldn't have been more disappointed in myself.

I stood in front of him watching his face, trying to read his expressions for first few minutes. I realised I was taking too long so I began.

"Hi! Dad.I have to tell you something.I know you must be upset. I haven't been home a lot in some time. Shit! I haven't come home at all last two years. It's natural for you to be uspet I was supposed to take care of everything but........I have my reasons you know. Well there was awful lot to do. I had to learn how to fix the fuse. I had to file my tax returns and review them on my own. Everytime I was stranded there was no one to call and tell that I am safe so I had to tell myself.I was a princess when you were here but when you left I....I had to grow up.

About three months back I went to Paris. I was helping a new hospital set up a non invasive surgery unit. I met Charles there. He had lost his wife in another surgery that day.He was completely heartbroken. I saw him sob for the love of his life and I still can't say what it was but I was somehow drawn towards him. I don't think it was his pain that made me offer him a coffee that day. When I look back all I can say is that there was a smile on his face and a potential for happiness in those eyes when we parted.

Destiny made us meet again a few days later. Gradually things became easier in life. It was suddenly easy to share a laugh with someone. It was extremely satisfying to know that someone cared enough to call and ask if I reached home easily. I started to drink my coffee sitting in one place instead of rushing through hospital wards. There was someone I could call and trust when I needed a last minute favour.I became special again, special for someone.

Dad, he asked me if I would marry him. I want to, but that's not enough. It's unfair that you are not here to tell me if I am doing the right thing. Even if I question myself I don't have ,you, telling me it's going to be fine and I should trust myself.I don't have anyone to give Charles that " I will kill you if you hurt my girl" speech.

Dad I know you would have wanted me to be happy and I am just damn sure that if you give your blessings I will be happy.Even if there are hundreds of things blocking my path to happiness your faith in me, the upbringing that you gave me and the courage your smile brings in me will make sure I reach there.

Thank you dad for permitting me to be with him."

There wasn't anything else to say  because I suddenly felt a huge load lift off my shoulders. With a smile on my lips I went back to Seattle.