Can't Change || Larry

0.5

Word Number : 500
Published : September 3, 2015

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March 4, 2016 6:42pm

Louis curled into himself on the bed as he sobbed harshly. The rain still pattered against the window and it still sounded throughout the room. The ache in his chest and the lump in his throat made it hard for him to breathe. His gasps filled the room and his wrists itched. The need for him to make himself feel his own pain over the one caused toward him made him ache.

He clutched one of the white pillows to himself tightly as he screamed and thrashed around in anger and self hatred. He couldn't stand himself at that moment. He couldn't breathe and his heart felt like it was being squeezed. His hand moved around trying to find something, anything. He felt like he was suffocating. His lungs burned and his throat ached making him cough.

He was finally able to get himself out of bed and into the bathroom across the hall. He closed the door and made sure to lock it before he dropped to his knees and opened the drawer. He rummaged through it frantically, his hands shaking and his eyes wild and teary. When he felt a sting on his index finger he knew he had found what he was looking for. He quickly pulled the sharp object out and just held it in his hand as he continued crying.

His sobs seemed even louder in the small enclosed space of the small bathroom. The cries were heartbreaking and loud, so so loud. He could hear a ringing but he ignored it. He just focused on the object in his hand and his aching heart.

The first long drag across his skin didn't help. He needed more. The second one wasn't much better and neither was the third or fourth. It wasn't until his thighs were bloody and destroyed that he felt the slightest bit better. He felt like he could breathe better. He was still crying and his chest still ached, but he had punished himself so it was okay.

The blood was harder to clean this time, but he still managed to leave the bathroom floor spotless and he still managed to hide the blade and wrap his thighs up. He stood up with difficulty because of the pain and numbness of his legs, but he managed. He always did.

Louis opened the bathroom door and limped out to the bedroom and then towards the living room seeing they were both empty. A lump formed back in his throat, but he sniffled and went towards the large window to peek outside. His breath hitched and he released a sob when he noticed Harry's car wasn't there. He let himself fall back onto one of the sofas as he began sobbing once more.

He tried taking in large breaths, but that became difficult as he was short of air. He felt as if someone were chocking him not letting him breathe, he couldn't breathe and oddly, he was perfectly fine with that.

Perfectly fine.