Can't Change || Larry

0.9

Word Number : 1,125

Published : November 16, 2015

(if anyone gets confused you can ask me about it and I'll try to explain)

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

March 7, 2016 12:46am

Niall holds Louis closer to his chest and tries talking to him, murmuring things to him and singing to him softly, but he gets no response. The small man is still blankly blinking at the wall as he quietly cries. No sound leaves him other than his soft breathing, and Niall can't take it.

The blond startles when the door bell chimes through the quiet house making him place Louis down on the bed gently, not wanting to leave him alone, but having to go open the door.

Once he's out of the room, Louis takes in a large breath and sits up in the bed numbly and gets off. He's standing quietly for a few seconds before he's grabbing his phone and moving out of the room and to the bathroom across the hall. As soon as he's inside he's closing the door and locking it behind him, and he's dropping down on his knees to the floor, not even flinching at the fall or the coldness of the tiles. His feet are covered in pink polka dotted socks and he's in a long sleeved gray shirt and white sweat pants. He's unmoving and just kneeling on the ground without doing anything other than staring at the shower curtain blankly. His mind is a replay of ugly. Louis is ugly. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly. And he can't make it stop, because he knows his mind is just trying to remind him of the truth and of what everyone thinks.

It isn't until he hears Niall's panicked voice calling his name that he moves. He turns to the cabinet under the faucet and rummages through it quietly. He doesn't notice, but he's now mouthing out quiet murmurs that can't be understood or heard. His hands are now shaking and he's trembling slightly, but he keeps his quiet search going until he comes across Niall's shaving razors. He can still hear Niall calling out for him, but he can hear Zayn and Liam as well.

In his fogged mind he can hear a distant voice that sounds all too much like Stan's, but he knows that's nothing but a memory. This is just a repeat, a copy of those many years ago. He's now trying to open the packet of razors, and he feels guilty because Niall had probably just bought them, he'll just get him new ones sometime later on.

When he finally opens the packet, he grabs one of the spare razor blades and brings it up to his eyes and examines it. It's pretty, so shiny.

The first drag is unintentional, and it's on his index finger, but he can still feel the pleased sensation in him as he sees droplets of blood leave his finger. The second one is fully intentional and he's even dragged his sweats down leaving his thighs exposed. His shirt sleeves have been brought up to the crook of his elbow leaving his scarred arms to view. The ones there are barely noticeable, but the ones on his thighs can be seen from miles away. He wonders how Harry never noticed, his thighs were literally ruined with scars, fresh new cuts and burns.

He dragged the blade across his thigh, not even flinching when he cut over the cuts already there. The first few are never pleasing or satisfying, but the ones after the fifth or sixth are. His lips are moving and that's when he realizes what he's saying, but he doesn't stop, just keeps going. Once both of his thighs are bloody and cut, he sighs and wipes the blade on his sweats. He blinks and clumsily tugs his shirt up to expose his tummy. He's never cut there, and he always wonders why, but then he also always remembers that that's the part that Harry always kisses the most when they go to bed together. It's the part that Harry always pays the most attention to, but now Harry hates him so he doesn't really care for it anymore.

There's a ringing in his ear and thumps in his chest as he drags the blade across his tummy once and then twice and three and four. He doesn't stop until he's at ten, and that's also when his clogged up mind registers the pounding on the door and the screaming of his name.

He can't do anything but sit and watch as blood leaves his body steadily and slow. In his mind he also realizes he really needs Stan. Where's Stan and why isn't he here comforting him? Why isn't he screaming and crying and hugging him and placing him in the shower and wrapping his cuts up? Where's Stan?

His shaking hand reaches for his mobil and he blindly scrolls through his contacts. His finger twitches as it hovers over the call button, but then he goes to his messages and sends his best friend a text.

'Stan ? Why aren't you here ? Where are you ? I thought you were supposed to be wrapping up my thighs.'

He waits for a few seconds before he begins typing again.

'I'm sorry I dirtied your tiles, I know you'd barely cleaned them earlier today.'

He can still hear the calling of his name from Zayn, Niall and Liam, but they're distant. What he can hear is Stan's voice. He's yelling at him and asking him so many questions and he's crying as well, but Louis can't move to comfort him because he's being held down by him and he's being cleaned from blood.

Stan hasn't answered him and it's been almost an hour, and he's still bleeding a bit, so he rubs at his thighs with the pads of his fingers and purses his lips as a steadier blood flow comes out of the cuts. He can distantly hear the sound of a doorbell ringing, but he presses on his skin harder. The bangs on the door slowly stop and then he's freezing where he's sat as he hears a voice call out to him slowly.

"Lou?" He'd recognize that voice anywhere. "Lou, please open the door?"

"Are you going to wrap me up now?" He calls weakly, but he stays still.

"Yea, and I've got to clean the tiles again remember?" Stan mutters wetly. He has a steady flow of tears running down his face as he waits patiently.

"Do I have to get in the shower as well?" Louis' now reaching his hand out to unlock the door slowly.

"Of course you do, now open up for me bear." The clicking of the lock is heard and then Stan is pushing the door open.

"Oh god." Niall is the first to fall to the ground in tears as he stares at Louis kneeling on the ground.