Silence (5sos ot4)

So I'm Pretty Mad Right Now (Not a chapter... SORRY!!!)

A/N: You don't have to read this if you don't want to since I'm basically just ranting and talking about my life problems but I just really needed to let this out... I'm really sorry this isn't a chapter but I've already started on the next one so it should be up sooner than the rest have been XD I'm such a slow updater I'm sorry hehe

Anyway, today I was at school in honors literature and we were watching Jane Eyre (the movie to that huge ass book we had to read over the summer) and there is this boy that sits beside me who always talks out just to try to be funny and it usually doesn't bother me but he makes the rudest comments all the time and I was tired of hearing it (I'm so rude I know :P).

But he was just talking and talking and making rude comments and saying the same things over and over again and and I was like "how many times are you planning on saying it?" And he told me not to get smart with him and I got pissed and said something that I don't even remember what it was anymore but I know it was rude because I was pissed and he said something along the lines of "I don't know who you're talking to nigger" or some shit like that and I... I really don't think I've ever been more pissed ever in my life than I was right then.

No one has ever... literally ever called me the n word to my face like that just to make me feel bad about myself or skin color. And it honestly didn't even make me feel bad, because I'm not one. Yeah I'm black, but I'm not that.

And I was so close to saying something to him that probably would have made him cry because I'm just that mean when I'm pissed, but luckily one of my best friends, who is also black or African American or whatever you wanna all it, told me not to. Even the boy's friend, who is white, was looking at him and was like "did you really just say that"

So he was quiet for a while but then his friend that was in front of him said something about to movie and he said "how come (I'm not using names) can talk but I can't"

And since I'm still mad that he called me that word I, of course, said something smart and probably deserved what he said to me next. I told him "he can talk because he knows when he can and when to shut up unlike you"

And then... then he said

"At least I'm not a nigger"

And my friend looked at me and tried to calm me down because I was ready to fight and I have never fought a person in my life and once she was sure I wouldn't do anything that would get me in trouble she turned to him and said "maybe you need to get out cause you're just being stupid" or something like that since I was too mad to remember the exact words.

And he said. "You can too jackass" and then we were both pissed and I like was really really ready to hit and I like slammed my hands on the desk but then everyone started looking around and wondering what happened cause they all know I'm usually a really nice person and they've never seen me mad before so my friend and I decided to just let it be and not say anything else about it.

I still cannot believe he called me that word though. I am not and never will be that just because I'm black and I really didn't appreciate that. I am almost absolutely positive that if it were anyone else that were black, he wouldn't have said it to them simply because I'm always told I "act white" which isn't a thing anyway. I just know right from wrong and that shouldn't be called "acting white".

I'm really just sick and tired of being called the equivalent of a "white girl" just because of how I act and how I talk proper and not "ghetto" and because of the kind of music I listen to and how I dress. Being told I "act like a white girl" is just bad as being called a "nigger" because either way it's still racist and it still hurts and I am so done with it.

And again I'm sorry this wasn't a real update but I've held this in all day and was so mad I felt like could cry and I know this makes me seem like a complete bitch but honestly I am sometimes and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Yeah I'm rude but only if you cause me be. 

Anyway thank you to anyone who actually read this and might understand where I'm coming from and why I got so mad. I promise I'll try to do an actual update earlier this time.

And I know it seems stupid and pointless to complain about this since there are people who have way worse problems than just this stupid argument if you can call it that but I really needed to talk about it

I hope you all have a great day/night (at least better than mine was) and I'll talk to you all soon maybe. Bye :)