BAREFACED

I'm Back

Hi Hi, It's been a long time hasn't it? I want to apologize for my long absence. I haven't uploaded since February I believe... that's a long time, haha.

For the time I have been gone, I have gone through a lot of changes. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. During this time I have struggled to write anything. Not because I lost interest in my writing but because I lost my sense of self.

Now, I want to get into something deeper, more personal. Maybe you can relate, maybe not. I want to be honest with those who have taken the time to read my story, or waited for me. Maybe even followed me or supports me. I want to be honest with you. Be warned though, this might trigger some.

Depression. For a long time I ignored the idea that I had it. I denied that I was. Not because I didn't believe in it but because I felt like it was a burden. I shoved that strong sense of hopelessness deep down, kind of like sucking in your gut. I ignored it. I didnt want to bother others with my problems. I didnt want to burden those around me.

I was so stuck in a lie of fake happiness to please others. Making sure they smile or are happy, completely ignoring the fact that I was miserable. I cared too much about my friends, past partner, family, strangers, and not enough about myself. This being, I wasn't ready for the pain or hate I would recieve.

In Spring 2023, before I started writing Barefaced, I was in college. I went to college hoping to make my mother and grandmother proud. I studied Psychology to pursue some sort of degree in it so I could get a solid job and make some decent money. I failed my first semester and denied going back for another term or semester. It wasn't because I slacked off, or because I'm stupid. Again, I was depressed and needed help. I was struggling, badly with my classes because I was extremely stressed. That stress got to me and I started slipping up with my grades. No matter how hard I studied it wasn't enough. I ended up hiding in my room all summer. Eventually my best friend asked me why I don't just write stories. I believed I needed to be better, or go to college to write a story but I was wrong. Originally I wanted to be a writer. To make stories... not for the money, or attention. I enjoy telling a story and watching peoples reactions. I love seeing how fandoms turn other people's creations into something more. I enjoy seeing all of it. I also enjoy other people's creations. The emotions and excitement I feel from reading someones story, or watching it. I wanted to do that too. Create stories that makes people excited or happy, maybe even involved or any other emotion. I wanted that. Its my muse. I had gotten rid of the idea of being a writer because my parents told me it wont make me money and I wont get anywhere. That could be very true... but money is not my motivation. Like I said, making stories that people enjoy is my muse. It's why I opened wattpad and began writing Barefaced.

Now, why did I write a fanfiction if I wanted to become a writer with my own stories? Barefaced was my guinea pig. I decided to start something simple and fun, a fanfiction. I wanted to see how well I can write and if I should continue pursuing that. Barefaced... I will be honest, I don't particularly like because I feel it was messy and not my best work. I also loathe the main character of the story. The main character or y/n (Yuki) was supposed to represent a stereotypical y/n character. I truthfully made the story purely for fun and not out of seriousness. I tested everything with that story. From smut, to deep topics, a cringy main character, to change with characters or lore, and then testing the oc and reader insert characters. All of it was just testing the waters, seeing how much I can do or how far I can go. Honestly, I enjoyed it a lot. It was thrilling. Writing for you all is fun. I love to read comments, its my favorite part of writing. I sometimes waited for certain peoples usernames to pop up when I posted a chapter. I loved it so much that I decided to continue writing... but obviously if you notice Barefaced had times where there wasnt any uploads for months.