who am I (a roller coaster ride) #wattys2016

Chapter Fourteen

Hi guys, for a while now, I've had a slight writer's block, but I'm back with another chapter now that I hope you will like. So please excuse the late updates! And, PLEASE comment and vote. I can't get motivated alone :) The song for this chapter is X&Y by Coldplay.

As always, enjoy!

-Rose :D

We all have these moments, don't we? The moments where we look like complete idiots because we keep looking over our shoulders thinking someone is following us. The moments, that if occurred a few times , you deliberately become defined by society as 'paranoid' because you're imagining traumatic events that can - by all means- never happen to you. Let's be honest, being afraid to go to the bathroom alone because you're thinking that a serial killer is bound to come out of the toilet, is not a well-known medical condition that a 12-year-old can resist laughing about. That's why, all throughout my life, I used to laugh at theories like that and simply compared them to when Stephanie sees a scary movie, and would be terrified at the sound of me 'booing' her behind her locker.

Right until the day I left the Ronald household, along with my mum - to no avail, trying to escape the man with the cold blood, who I had called my father for a long time. I started being defined as paranoid, but the funny thing was, I was far from ever befitting that title. Why? Well, my fear is real. I am constantly looking over my shoulder, fearing that one day, when I turn around, I would see him.

The man, who had me abandon my mother and long-lost brother in a heartbeat. The man, who plucked out my dreams and implanted fear instead. The man, who had me sit still for days, rivers of salt water pouring out of my eyes, feeling nothing but lonely. The man who threw a tantrum and cursed mother at the birthing room when he found out I wasn't a boy. I never knew why she married him. I was too young at that time to believe that people had other motives other than love to get married. I've had my countless theories of course, but it was never proven, due to my mum's constant denial and claims that she indeed 'loved' my father, whatever her definition of love was at the time. Even after offering my final goodbyes to our old house on that cold December night, she still wouldn't tell me. Then again, why would she tell a 13 year old something that could possibly destroy her? Yet despite the effort she spent in hiding me from these incidents, I still got scared and my wounds open up again and again - every time the flash lights of a car attack my vision. That's what my condition is - I remember the cause of the accident all over again on the day my dad's image completely changed in my eyes.

But it doesn't, unfortunately, get easier as the years pass. It always hurts to remember. Like I said - a scar engraved within my soul for life.

So that's how I lived for a year before I found Mohamed – hiding, looking over my shoulder at every turn and seeing every person around me as an accompanist of my father. In short, defined by society as - paranoid.

*Flashback*

"Sally." A male voice called from behind me.

I froze, my throat dry, as I bit my cracked lips out of nervousness. Even though I have practiced being "Sally Ahmed" a million times, it remains hard to shut people out every day. My back was still to the stranger, whilst swallowing audibly, hoping he'd simply give up on talking to me. I hated treating people coldly, so I always tried to avoid encounters with anyone.

"Sallyyyy" He called again, much louder now. "Turn around." I could hear his feet lightly, but hurriedly, taping the sandy ground next to the sidewalk, indicating that he's getting closer. I summoned up my courage, put on the mask where it belongs and turned on my heel to face him before he got any closer.

"Who....." I chocked on my own words as I halted mid-spin, my mouth falling open.

"I take it from this reaction that I haven't been totally forgotten, huh?" He spread his arms wide, pointing at himself like a games' show host, his goofy smile lighting up his whole face.