This Is Our Second Skin (Frerard)

12: Gerard Knows Way Too Many Synonyms For The Word Idiot

*above picture is of Gerard's painting - actual painting titled Lilac Rain by Dan Campbell*

Gerard was an idiot - no - that word wasn't even good enough to describe him anymore; he was an imbecile, a moron, a halfwit, a dolt, an ignoramus, a foolish simpleton who had ruined the best thing in his life, all because he had gotten too drunk, made a stupid decision, and then run away like the coward he was.

Unfortunately, realizing this fact did nothing to help Gerard move on from the loss of Frank in his life, and even though it was all Gerard's fault, he still missed Frank like crazy, and he would do anything to get him back, except for man up and apologize like any sane person would do, because Gerard may have regretted his impromptu decision to flee from Frank's house, but he was much too terrified to face Frank again after everything that had happened.

The first day after the embarrassing incident that Gerard was doing his best to forget had ever happened, he stayed in bed all day, hiding under the covers after calling into work, because there was no way he could wade through the outside world after the debacle that had occurred. Gerard had made sure to shut off his cell phone as well, even though he doubted Frank would call him after what he had done, but still, he didn't want to talk to anyone, not even Lindsey.

Gerard wasted away the hours sniffling softly to himself, replaying the events that had ruined his friendship with Frank over and over in his mind, even though doing so hurt - it hurt so fucking much, and Gerard really didn't need the painful reminder right now, but he felt like he deserved it in a way, and he couldn't seem to focus on anything else at the moment.

God - Gerard would give anything to take his actions back, but he didn't possess a time machine, so there was really nothing he could do, bedsides for cry over it that is, and Gerard was definitely partaking in that particular activity right now; tears had been streaming down his face for the past few hours, and they showed no sign of stopping anytime soon.

And really - Gerard knew somewhere in the back of his mind that he was overreacting, and that he shouldn't be this torn up over someone he had only known for a week, even though he had known of Frank for a year, but Frank was just his friend, not even his boyfriend, so he shouldn't be so devastated over what had happened, but that didn't change the fact that he was.

Gerard always got attached too quickly though, and his crush on Frank had grown to a monumental size over the past few days, so his emotional distress did make sense in a way, but now it didn't matter, because Frank would never want him after last night, if he was ever even interested at all.

After a day filled with moping, Gerard forced himself to return to the office the next morning, playing off his foul mood by claiming to still feel sick, and everyone bought it, much to his relief, not that very many people talked to him anyway, which was really working in his favor right now, and Gerard managed to make it through his shift successfully, only retreating to the bathroom once to cry in silence for a few minutes.

When he returned home, Gerard finally switched his phone back on, and he was surprised to see numerous missed calls and texts from Frank, along with a few from Lindsey as well, but Gerard ignored his friend for the moment in favor of checking to see what Frank had to say to him.

Gerard braced himself for the worst, because Frank would be completely entitled to chew out Gerard for making a move on him, his drunken state was no excuse, but he hadn't. In typical Frank fashion, he had only inquired after Gerard's health, asking if he was feeling okay, and requesting that Gerard call him when he was able.

And fuck - Gerard wanted to talk to Frank, he really did, but he couldn't, not anymore; he didn't deserve to speak with Frank after he had acted so despicably, so he simply deleted the messages, trying to pretend that they had never happened, even though that was easier said than done. Gerard did return Lindsey's call though, managing to avoid the topic of Frank, which was a miracle in itself, but Lindsey was too distracted explaining her most recent date to Gerard to notice his morose mood, thank fuck for that.