Finding my angel, facing my demon

The truth must come out

"She told me you would be better off without me. She had never sounded so sure about it. She said you hated me for accidentally hurting you and that you would never forgive me." I saw a tear fall from Emily's eye but she wiped it before it got anywhere. She continued on like nothing had happened. "She said your life would be better off if I just disappeared. So I took off. I packed my shit and ran. I thought it's what you wanted. Then when the calls came from you I got a little hopeful. And I did call back. I called and Hanna picked up. She told me that you were already back on your feet and that she had been right all along. She said you hated me. I never called back after that."

I slumped back against the wall and I thought about what she had said. I had cried my eyes out when Em left me. Hanna had been my only support. How could she have betrayed me in that way? I grabbed my cell phone and sent Hanna a urgent text message to get to my house immediately. As soon as the phone confirmed that the message was sent I threw it across the room. It shattered against the wall.

"Relax, cara. I am not here to bring up the past or to blame Hanna for my mistakes. I just came back to try to work things out. We were never as bad as Hanna convinced you that we were. I never really hurt you, not physically, except for the accident, and you never hurt me either. We never went to the hospital or ended up bruised or bloody or even with a scratch. We knew when to stop and we never got carried away. That night you hit me for the first time then you tripped and I have regretted that fight every night since then. I'd give anything to take it back." Em stood and helped me back up to my feet. "Alison, I am sorry for the pain I have caused you over the years but I want you to know that you didn't suffer alone. I have loved you since the day I met you and I still do. I got married to someone else loving you instead and I will continue loving you until the day I die."

"Em, I..." in reality I had no idea what to say. Em shrugged off my dispute.

"I know you have a lot of things to think about. Life isn't as easy as when I left but remember that we were happy before all of the mess. We were happy before jealousy and anger took a hold of us. We could be happy again but you need to figure things out first. You know how to get a hold of me. My parent's house is in the same spot and they miss you by the way. They still love you and I do too." She smiled and kissed my cheek. "See you later, cara."

Just as Em made for the door, Hanna walked in.

"What the fuck did you do?" Hanna asked Emily after she looked at me. I really must have looked like a mess sitting on the floor crying with my shattered phone on the ground across the room.

"Me? Maybe you should look in a mirror if you want an answer to that question. I came to face my demons. Maybe it is time you do the same." Em grabbed her purse and made for the door once more but Hanna's voice stopped her by pushing her shoulders.

Listen bitch..." Hanna was silenced by a backhanded slap from Emily and in my opinion Hanna deserved it.

"I'm sure you can figure out what that's for," with that Em walked towards the door intent on leaving me with the mess she had brought BACK to my door.

"Come back here." Hanna said softly, causing Em to freeze in her tracks. She turned around but didn't return to where we were standing.

Hanna continued talking when Em refused to turn around."I assume you told her already so you might as well stay and hear this."

Hanna rubbed at her face where Em hit her. Maybe it had hurt more than I had assumed. Em did as Hanna asked but she sat at the counter and stayed out of the way.

"Tell me she's lying, Han." I said almost begging. I didn't want to think that my best friend could've betrayed me like that. "Tell me that you didn't tell her to leave me."

"I can't do that, Ali." Hanna face was one of pure sadness. She looked at me almost like it hurt her. "I always knew she would come back and I always knew she would tell you the truth. I can't tell you that I didn't do it but I can tell you why I did it. Alison, you have to remember how the two of you were together. I had never seen anything like it before and it scared me. When you got hurt it scared me. I knew you loved her but a love like the one between you guys was something from another world. It was like you two were different sides of the same coin. When she hurt, you hurt and I was scared to death for you. Remember that you ended up on my doorstep every time you two fought? Remember how broken up you were? So I put her to the test. I asked her to leave. I told her that if she ever loved you that she would pack her shit and go. She did and seeing you crushed the way you were proved that I had been right. You were a kid, hell we all were. I didn't think that you could keep going on with her and I did something that I thought was best for you. But I knew you would find out one day. I am truly sorry for the pain you went through but I am not sorry that I tried to protect you." Hanna stood silent for a moment as if waiting for me answer her but I didn't know what to say. It wasn't until I looked at Em that the words came to me.

You convinced me that she never loved me." I whispered. "I let you convince me that she never loved me. How could you do that to me? If you knew how much I loved her then why would you hurt me like that? Did you do that to protect me too?" I was much calmer than I should've been.

"I'm sorry, Alison." was all Hanna could say. I don't know what I had expected but I wanted something more than 'I'm sorry'. Sensing my dislike of her answer she gave me one more. "I did it for you." She added.

That made me angrier then I had ever been at her. I walked over to her and slapped her hard across the face, the same way Em had. It was the first time I had ever hit her and I didn't do it to hurt her. I did it to show her how disgusted I was with her. How hurt. How betrayed. How angry.

Alison, relax." Em called from her barstool. I had almost forgotten that she was there. Her simple words caused my entire demeanor to change. I felt more relaxed. She was back. She had loved me. It was all a mistake. Everything could be alright again, she DID love me. As I thought all of this an image popped into my mind, an image of Aria. What would all of that do to her? As if on cue Aria walked through the door next. I looked over at the clock and she was right on time. Had Em really been there for three hours? Time seemed to have flown by.

"I'm sorry. I just can't..." I said to the three women that surrounded me. I was sorry for hitting Hanna. I was sorry for believing that Em never loved me and I was sorry for dragging Aria into all of it. My thoughts started to overwhelm me so I grabbed my keys. I hadn't needed to say anything. Em knew me better than anyone else. She tossed me hers before I could find mine in the bottom of my infernal bag.

Take mine, cara." she said in her sultry velvet voice. I caught the keys and left. I had no idea where I was going or when I was coming back but I knew I couldn't deal with it all at that moment so I ran; as fast as Em's Ferrari would take me, I ran.

Wow emotional roller coasters. Xox JB