The New Romantics

Chapter Twenty Three: Sad Beautiful Tragic

I eventually told him the simple statement of I wanted to talk to him but he wasn't at his house and his family said he was here. I didn't, however, tell him how much I hated this angry side of him. How I hated his drunkness and his emotionlessness and how much I hurt him and how much he was hurting me. I didn't tell him how much I hated Bree and whoever owned this house and whoever bought the drinks and whoever told him about parties. I didn't tell him how I hated the whole world and everything in it, but not as much as I hated myself. I didn't show any hint of hatred whatsoever.

Benjamin looked kind of startled by my answer, which was a bit surprising, but also satisfying. "Why?" his question held less anger this time, but more pain. I assume he meant why I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to tell him that it was nothing and could wait until tomorrow or something like that, but something made me tell the whole truth. 

"Because the whole world seems to think we belong together and..." I shrugged, "and it's taken a year and a break up for me to believe it." Why did I even say that?! It's not like it's going to make that much of a difference, especially since he obviously doesn't believe it. I looked him over to prove my point to myself. His hair was all messy and his clothes were slightly wrinkled from being on the floor.

I looked from him to the door and shook my head. This was crazy and idiotic, coming here, I mean. And everything I was saying. "But apparently you've moved on, so I guess the world was wrong and I've been right all along." I choked on my last few words. I loved being right, don't get me wrong, but being right about this was heartbreaking. I always liked us being together, but I didn't think Benjamin really liked me in that way- the forever way. I liked thinking it was meant to be, but I never really believed it until I saw emptiness where Benjamin was suppose to be. I guess I've just been a hopeless romantic all along.

I wiped at my tears with frustration and turned around to walk out before he could add anything. I was not going to cry and look all pathetic just to get my way. It was all nonsense anyway. "I'm sorry to bother you on your way out," I said as I picked my bag off the floor and started walking back down the hallway. I quickly re-accepted my fate of living alone with cats, and as amazingly romantic as it would be, if Benjamin followed me out, it may just be the end of me.

But that wouldn't be much fun, would it, letting me walk out? Apparently Benjamin didn't think so. I heard his footsteps behind me and immediately turned around. I'd had enough of it all. "Benjamin," I pleaded, "For once can you just let me walk out?!" Unfortunately I was still crying, but maybe it proved my point. I wanted to go home and cry about my non existent love life in peace. Was that too much to ask? Plus, last time he walked out. Technically it's my turn. 

How disgusting that we're taking turns.

Benjamin frowned. "You know me, Elizabeth." Oh, wow. He's gone back to calling me Elizabeth, and it almost hurts as much as when he called me Liz. "I can't let you do that." He smiled ever so slightly, and I was almost scared for what he was going to say next. "I-I care about you too much to let you go home and blame yourself while cutting up your wrists." His eyes filled with tears as my stomach dropped.

I seemed to have forgotten he knew about that. I opened my mouth to deny his statement, but I...couldn't. I couldn't lie to Benjamin. He was right, which I hated. I did plan to go home and blame myself, along with cut, but the fact he brought it up made me angrier than it probably should have. I closed my mouth and shook my head. How dare he use such a statement against me. Said statement should never be used under any circumstance.

"Benjamin, I'm not talking to you here. There are too many people, including someone you just slept with." I opened the door and stomped out. I, Elizabeth Holmes, was not going to put myself through the emotional trauma of talking to Benjamin Pond. Of course, when I got to the car, I waited just long enough for him to get in and stop me. Maybe for Benjamin I would put myself through such torture.

Benjamin opened the passenger door, but didn't get in. He's smart even when he's drunk. Nice. "Elizabeth... I'm sorry. I-I have no excuses for my actions. Will you just hear me out?" I really didn't want to, but that's what I expected from him, so might as well. Before I could tell him sure, he added "Besides, I can't remember if I took my car and it's too long a walk, Especially at night." 

His incorrect grammar of took instead of brought almost made me cringe, but I managed to hold it in. Again, I didn't want to drive him home, but he would do it for me. Actually, he has. I should probably return the favor.