Bloodlust (The Blood Series #1)

Chapter 23

  The meds I got from Dr Harris aren't working as well as they did before. So far they have kept me from dreaming about Oliver again but I can feel their effect wearing off. Oliver is slowly but surely slipping back into my dreams. I need to do what Dr Harris said and learn to block these nightmares myself, without the help of drugs.

I lie awake in my bed and try to sleep but I'm too winded up to be able to. I think back to what Nathan said after we left the library. I can see him now, eyes nearly black, apoplectic with rage and knuckles white as he squeezed the stirring wheel. The speed of the car was so scary that I forced him to pull up and let me drive for the rest of the journey. He wasn't happy about it but I insisted long enough that he reluctantly agreed.

"I'm going to kill him", Nathan muttered after I had been driving for awhile.

"I'll help", I answered without taking my eyes off the road. I was half-worried that Oliver would again jump out of nowhere and make me lose control of the car. I didn't want to crash Nathan's beautiful car. It ran like a dream and I wanted to be able to drive it again.

"I'm serious, Haley."

"So am I. He's planning on killing Drea. I'm not going to let that happen", I said and no matter how harsh the words sounded I was at peace with my decision. Oliver had already tried to kill me twice: at my house and now dropping me off a rooftop. Thrice, really, if you count his attempt to exhaust me to death.

Nathan shook his head. "You've never killed anyone. You don't know what it's like. It's bad enough to kill someone for self-defense but to plan it... it's different. It might be too much for you."

His lack of faith in me cut like a knife."Why are you constantly doubting me?" I asked, hurt evident in my voice.

"I'm not doubting you. I just know what it's like and I don't want you to have to go through that", he said in a quiet voice.

I turned to glance at the seventeen years old boy next to me, talking about killing with such knowledge. The heavyhearted certainty which he spoke with chilled me. His tormented eyes didn't fit into this teenage boy's body, they were grave like a soldier's who has seen too much death during his years on the battlefield. It is hard for me to understand the life he has lived. He was born to this, to a life filled with scars and violent deaths. He didn't have a choice. But what he doesn't understand is that I don't have a choice, either.

My voice was soft but certain when I replied: "Nathan, I'm with you on this and you're just gonna have to get over it."

"I'm only trying to protect you."

"I know you are. That's why it's so impossible for me to be mad at you for having doubts." I sighed and changed the subject to something I've been meaning to ask for awhile now but my life has gotten so crazy lately that I haven't had the time. "Why does Oliver hate your family so much anyway?"

"I'm not really sure. It's not exactly rare to hate the Bloods so it's hard to keep count. When I asked my father he said that Oliver was once a Blood and that he left to join someone else's crew. Bloods don't like him because of that. Loyalty means everything in our world."

"He seems so hellbent on making both you and I suffer", I pressured. I've got a feeling that there's more to this story. Every time Oliver looks at Nathan there's pure hatred in his eyes and vice versa. Nathan does know why Oliver hates them. He was just not going to share that information with me.

"I'm not supposed to talk about family business with, well, outsiders", Nathan said uneasily. I tried not to let it show how it felt to be called an outsider by the person who has felt the closest to me since That Weekend. "I've already told you too much and the others aren't happy about it."

"The Bloods have no secrets", I repeated a little bitterly Callum's words more to myself than anything else. I could feel Nathan's eyes on me but I didn't say anything for the rest of the drive and walked up to my house without kissing him goodnight.

I'm not really mad at him, I'm mad at his world. I do understand that there are things he can't tell me, there are even things that I don't want to know about but it's frustrating nonetheless. How am I supposed to fight against Oliver's insanity when I don't even know why he's doing this? It's not like he just woke up one day and thought hey, I should start harassing this girl because I know it'll drive this boy crazy. Oliver might be crazy but I think that he still needs a reason to justify his deeds.

I tire of getting more and more tangled up in my sheets so I get up. I need to feel safe, comfortable so I do what I always do when I'm nervous. I find a book and lose myself into it. I pick up my copy of Little Women and start to read from the place I last time left off. As I'm reading I notice that there's something between the pages and pick it up. It's a photo I've been using as a bookmark because it reminds me of the man who gave me this book, my grandpa Alan.

In the photo he and I are sitting in a boat with fishing rods in our hands and fishnet in our feet. We are ready to leave to go fishing. My eyes are on the fishing rod, it was the first time grandpa had agreed to take me with him because I had just turned five and was therefore old enough. I'm smiling to myself and grandpa Alan is smiling too, he looks at me with pride in his eyes. Have you ever had someone in your life who loves you more than anything else? In whose eyes you can do no wrong? Grandpa Alan was that to me.

I'm suddenly reminded of something Nathan said. "We were about five when you had a seizure, that's at least what I thought. But your eyes changed color and you told me that grandpa Alan was going to die. Then you went limp and said nothing."

According to Nathan, at least a little part of me has always been able to do what I do. But if that's the case, how come the dreams are just now flooding me? What is making them come to me with such rapid force? And why have they stayed gone for so long?

I sigh annoyed. The sky is still dark but I can feel it lighting up. Morning is coming and doesn't care that I haven't gotten a wink of sleep. I need someone to talk to, someone who knows me and who understands me. Someone to hear my crazy story and tell me what to do next. Without even noticing it I've picked up my phone and scroll until my fingers hover over Andrea's name. To call or not to call, I riddle myself.

But if I do call a) Drea will be unbelievably pissed because I disturbed her beauty sleep and b) will probably hang up or not answer at all. So I won't give her a chance to ignore my call. I get dressed and sneak outside. The walk to Giorgios' house doesn't take long. In fact, I'm there a lot faster than I wished to be. Now I'm just staring up Drea's window like a freaking stalker and trying to come up with the words to say. But my mind is empty, I can nearly hear my one and only thought echo in there. I need to talk about this with someone.

"Haley?"

But not with him.

At the sound of Troy's voice I prepare to run but his next words make my feet come to a halt.

"Please don't run. It will that much harder for me to apologize if you do. I'd have to run after you and wake up the entire neighborhood. And good grief if my mother's bridge friends saw that."

He sounds abysmally sad and tired. I stare at him, ready to bounce if he makes a move in my direction. But he doesn't. He retreats to a garden chair and sits down. He looks small, broken, like I'm the one hurting him with my presence and not the other way around.

"Where have you been?" I ask, not able to hide my curiosity. "Why haven't you been in school?"

His mouth turns up a little. "I'm a vampire. We don't exactly like sun", he replies dryly. Hearing him say the words surprises me but I don't argue. I guess that old myth about vampires setting on fire when in direct sunlight is true. I don't have the energy to feel shocked to be discussing vampires as casually as the weather.

Still something bugs me. "But you were able to go to school earlier..."

"Vampires can't stand direct sun light and lately the weather here has been like the fucking O.C." He notices my face and mutters: "Sorry."

"It's okay", I whisper back. After all that has happened cursing isn't as high on my list of crimes as it used to be. I've been spending so much time with Nathan who wasn't raised the same way Troy and I were that I hardly even notice the swear words that used to pinch me like little needles.

"So what's your excuse to be stalking around our yard on this fine evening?"

"I just needed to talk to Drea."

"About what?"

"Just... stuff."

"It's always exciting to see an expression come to life. You're literally beating around the bushes", Troy stated and a semi-smile tints on my lips. "Drea's not home. She told our parents that you were having a hard time and that she was staying at your place to comfort you. It's obvious that that was a lie so I'm guessing she's at Callum's."

"We're kind of fighting right now", I admit and sit on the other yard chair, far from Troy. I know he notices it but doesn't say anything. He and I both know why I'm being cautious. Actually I should just leave. Of course if he wanted to he could just drag me right back but somehow I don't think he will. He's different tonight. More like himself than he has been for quite some time.

Moonlight shines off his deadly pale skin when the muscles of his cheeks tighten to form a small smile. "I know. Just because I stopped going to school doesn't mean that I don't know what has been going on. I've seen you take the bus every morning this week so I figured something had happened between the two of you."

"So you've just been hiding out here? At home?"

He shrugs. "Most of the time. The other time I've tried to look for a cure", he tells me and lets out a bitter laugh. "Like there is one."

"A cure for vampirism?" I gasp.

He raises his brows at my words. "You remember", he states casually but I can see the pain behind his leisurely spoken words. He's hurting and whether I want to or not, I still feel for him. It's obvious he didn't want to become a vampire. I want to ask him who made him a vampire but now is not the time. Troy already looks beaten down.

"You don't sound surprised." Well, since we already spoke about this, that can be expected. For a brief moment I wonder if the first time he said he was a vampire was a test to see if I remembered and when I didn't start yelling incoherently, he knew that the compulsion has started to wear off.

"That's because I'm not. I'm not very experienced with compulsion since I was only turned a couple of weeks ago and I tried to tell that to Nathan as well but he wouldn't take no for an answer. But even as I agreed to do it I knew it probably wouldn't last forever like it was supposed to."

"Then why did you do it?"

Troy sighs and his eyes are terrifyingly honest when he replies: "The first time he asked me I said no. He'd have to deal with his own messes. But then he said that I'd get to erase him from your mind and I... That piqued my interest."

His words are bitter when he continues talking after a few minutes. "That weekend when I came by the hotel room you two had... I saw the way you looked at him. You were like enchanted, fascinated... in love. You don't know how much it hurt to see you look at someone else like that so soon after we broke up. How it felt to know that you had already moved on."

"If it felt anything like getting your neck pierced by a pair of fangs, I think I have a pretty good idea", I snap. I may feel pity him but I'm not going to show it. What he did to me was indescribably wrong.

He curls up to himself and avoids looking at me. "I am so sorry about that. I lost my mind."

My voice is cold and harsh when I reply: "Yes, I think it's safe to say that."

Troy starts to talk faster now like he has to make sure that I'm still listening, that I won't leave which is what I feel like doing. I'm getting dangerously close to feeling sorry for him and I don't want to feel sorry for someone who tried to kill me and then turn me into the same kind of monster he is.

"Haley, you can't understand what it's like. When you get turned you lose who you are. You become something so horrendous that you're not even able to face your own reflection. You're constantly hungry and the people you loved as a human start to feel more like a possession. Those who you wanted become an obsession to you. After I was turned you were all I could think about. So when I lost you... I went crazy. I needed you to understand why I had done what I did and you couldn't possibly understand me if you weren't like me. You see, when you found me with Missy Cadogan I wasn't cheating on you. I was feeding off of her. I hadn't fed for couple days and when she came to talk to me alone about Halloween Fest or something, I lost control and attacked her. I know I said that I kissed her but I couldn't very well tell you that I was actually drinking her blood, now could I? Of course you couldn't know that, you just thought that I was a lousy cheater like the rest of the male population. Those were your exact words, by the way. This improved memory of mine can really be a bitch."

He shakes his head, hoping that by doing that he could rid his brain of bad memories. "I'm just now starting to feel like myself again. I can think of something other than just you or blood now", he admits.

I blow air out of my lungs and find myself nodding at his words, agreeing. "I know what it's like. Not what it's like to crave blood but I know how it feels like to not be able to keep something out of your head."

"What do you mean?"

I mean to snap at him and tell him that my problems aren't his concern but I make the mistake of looking him in the eyes. His brown eyes are worried and clear. So instead of insulting him I end up telling him everything that has happened to me. I tell him how I woke up with Nathan, how Oliver has been tormenting me, how he nearly killed me, how he's threatening Andrea now. I tell him every worry I've had and don't sugarcoat anything. If hearing about Nathan hurts him, good. He deserves to suffer after everything he put me through. And I'm done filtering everything I say. I just want to get it all out in the open and talk to someone about all of these crazy things that have been happening lately.

When I'm done talking, Troy is quiet for a moment. "I don't know how to help you with the rest of that avalanche of problems but I can teach you to close your mind against manipulation."

I think about it. It's a bad idea, trusting my vampire ex who tried to turn me the last time we were alone. Troy could easily use this training as a way to pick my brain and make me love him again. But then I think about Oliver's blood red eyes and hear his victims howl for me when they die. Think of how helpless I felt watching them fall, one by one. I can't go through it again, I won't.

"When can we start?"