UN REQUITED (boyxboy)

Three

I  must be near the edge of death and I welcomed it so much.  I feel really weak and so out of sorts.  The fifth of Jack that my body was never prepared for anesthetized me to the pain I constantly felt in my soul.  I barely felt the blade pass across my right wrist and have seemed to have lost the coordination to take care of my left so I lie here on the ground letting my essence flow out of me and bring me closer to the abyss as I continue to reflect on the journey...

I ran in fear but I know that not only is he chasing me, so are our parents.  He catches me because quite frankly he is much better at the physical stuff than I have ever been so I brace myself for the worst.  What do I feel instead, his arms surrounding me and just holding me tightly in a bear hug/hold.  I hear my dad come up behind us and he just hugs me from behind.  Well don't I feel a bit foolish.

Eventually they let go and my mom and Conner's mom also hug me to death.  No one has really said anything yet.  Then Conner's dad walks up to me and raises his hand to wipe away my tears.  Tears I did not even know were flowing.  He says, "I'm pretty sure I speak for everyone here when I say so what if you're gay.  You are Ioan and that will never change.  We all love you."  Then he walks back towards our lodging.

Eventually we all get back in and settle for the night as it is late and the excitement of my confession has left everyone extremely tired.  Conner and I are in our always shared accommodations and when we are settled down for the night he asks, "Ioan how come you never told me you were gay?  When did you first know?"  I turned over on my side and looked at him and said, "It took me awhile to figure out how I was feeling and I am only now really accepting it and trying to be comfortable with it.  I never said anything because I was terrified of your reaction and you're my best friend.  I couldn't loose you."

I try to turn away but he jumps from his bed to mine and just tugs me into a hug and says, "First of all, you could never loose my friendship.  Not over this.  This does not matter to me because being gay is just one part of who you are.  I'm sorry that I was so insensitive to what you have been going through and for the things I said."  He started laughing.  "What's so funny?"  "Well I guess it's not a girlfriend that will replace me but another guy.  I'm not sure how I feel about that."

I look at him like he is mentally challenged.  "Get back in your own bed so we can go to sleep and wake up tomorrow and start our vacation."  "Mmmm mm.  I am quite comfy right here!"  He say this with a smug look on his face.  "Fine, stay but don't you dare steal my blanket."  "I make no promises!"  He is an ass.

As he finally falls asleep, I can finally open my eyes and get my fill of the sight before me.  My pulse is racing with the excitement of having him in my bed.  I am so so tempted to take my fingers and run them through his hair that has partly fallen on his face.  He is so perfect and the knowledge that he can never be mine leaves me breathless to the pain that vibrates through out my body every single time.

I wish I could believe that there may be someone else out there for me but having found my soulmate I know I am doomed.  I snuggle a bit closer to him and close my eyes and just let go of all my thoughts and enjoy the fact that I get two weeks with the man of my dreams.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

We must be experiencing an earthquake.  I am being shaken quite literally close to death.  "Come on Ioan wake the hell up so we can hit the slopes man."  Ugh what the hell is wrong with this demon.  I want to sleep in.  I want to catch up on all the ZZZZZZ I have lost in the past couple of weeks.

"Hey, you look really well rested for once.  Have you been having problems sleeping?"  I look up at my idiotic friend but before I can answer he says, "Duh, ofcourse you haven't slept.  You are gay and have been hiding it.  I really am sorry you know!"  It's a shame that he really has no clue why I cannot sleep every night except for last night.

I take a deep breath in and get out of bed and begin to ready myself for the day.  Conner let's me know that breakfast will be ready soon and waits for me downstairs in the kitchen.  I go into my bathroom and look at myself in the mirror above the sink.  I do look a bit better but then I got to sleep right next to my soul mate.  It was a dream come true.  The devastating reality will be trying to cope with not having that ever again knowing what it felt like to share a bed with him.

 I brace myself on the palms of my hands on the sink counter and just take deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself.  No matter what happens, I am going to try and enjoy this short time we have to ourselves and pray that it will be enough to reinforce our special bond of friendship.  I don't hold out much hope though after all the bond has already been tested and I feel that it will only be a matter of time before it completely breaks and leads me to utter heartbreak.