Six

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by Bcontesa618

by Bcontesa618

I never thought anything could terrify me ever but the thought of losing Ioan was it for me. I never thought that this night of all nights would end with the almost lifeless body of the most important being in my life, in my arms.

The guilt of knowing that I caused all of this was more than I could bare but as I frantically wait for the ambulance whose approach I hear, I chant a prayer over and over in my head. Please God don't take him from me. Please give me a chance to make this right! Please...

I think back to the frantic phone call I received from Ioan's father desperate to find him. I was getting ready to make the biggest mistake of my life. Taking my relationship to the next level with Deirdre would have been a regrettable act for me especially with how things felt being with her. It just never felt quite right.

I always thought that when you love someone and take the natural steps to physically show them, it would be this mind blowing out of this world experience but truth be told, not even her kisses were like that let alone anything else we attempted. The few things we did felt awkward to me, almost forced.

Even as we tried to cement our relationship physically it just felt so wrong and just as I was about to tell her that I just could not go all the way with her, my phone rang yet again and I used that as my excuse to physically distance myself from her. I needed time to think about whether this was something I really wanted and as I picked up my phone, my true destiny unfolded before me.

"Conner where is Ioan? Please tell me he is with you?" "I have no idea where he is. What's going on?" I can hear the urgency behind Ioan's father's words. With an agonizing tearful sounding voice he responds, "He left us a note and he is pretty much asking us to forgive him and, and...then he says he loves us and goodbye. Conner you have to find my son. Did he even try to contact you?" "Let me check my phone and I will call you right back okay." He bids me farewell and with that I hang up and take in all he has said.

"What the hell is so important that you keep me waiting huh Conner?" I ignore Deirdre as I check my phone and realize that I have a missed call from Ioan and a message. Then I hear the words that change my life forever...

"I hope that by the time you get this message, I will be gone. I don't want to see the look on your face when you find out what I did. I know that I don't have much time left in this world and I wanted to say it just once. I love you so, so much. There could never have been anyone else but you. With everything inside of me I believed you were my soulmate and I still do. Please don't blame yourself for what I did. I just could not take the pain anymore."

Every hair on my body stands at attention as panic and dread overtakes me. I quickly move into action gathering my clothes and hurriedly get dressed when I hear, "Conner what the hell are you doing?" "I have to go. Ioan is missing and something is really wrong." "Who the fuck cares about that pathetic queer!"

I turned around so quickly I almost fell over but the shocked look on her face was in response to the disbelief in mine as I finally saw her for who she really was. "WE ARE DONE! No one and I mean NO ONE talks about Ioan the way you just did. He is more precious to me that any one in existence." You know what, you go find you're fucking fairy and screw him instead because this is over and by the time I am done with you, no one in school will be dealing with you either." I looked right at her and said, "I wouldn't hold my breath bitch!" As I left her room, I slammed her door just in time to avoid being hit with whatever thumped against her wall.

Rushing out to my car, I dialed Ioan's number and prayed he would pick up. "He...hel, hello?" "Oh my God Ioan where the fuck are you. What the hell is going on." He sounds so tired and drained. "Con?" "Please, please Ioan tell me where you're at. Please baby. Please..." "W-why are you up...upset Conner? Everything's o-okay now. I d-don't feel pain anymore."

What the fuck does that mean. I am so terrified right now. "Please tell me where you are. Everyone is looking for you, please Ioan." "O-okay...if you re-really are looking for me, as my best friend..." He snickers when saying those two words causing an ache in my heart, "I am in the place where if I had wings I'd want to fly. I am going to finally fly Conner. I love you! Bye..." "Ioan don't hang..."

FUCKkkkkkkkk...I am slamming my hands against my steering wheel. I stop, take a deep breath and just concentrate on his words. He is at the place where he has always wanted to fly.

It is funny to think that you don't know just how well you really know a person until you are on the verge of loosing them. The life I have lived with Ioan played out like a movie right before my eyes and then I hit pause, rewind and focus on the memory of our twelfth year together.

We decided to finally hike up those mountains in the forest behind my house and that is the year we discovered our special place. It took us most of the day, as children, just to climb up to what opened up to a bluff overlooking the ocean and it was terrifyingly beautiful.

Ioan was so excited as he walked right up to the edge, spread out his arms and said, "Oh, to have wings and fly right of this cliff and soar through the air. Wouldn't that be just divine Conner?"

I am suddenly pulled out of that awesome memory as the realization hits me. Fuck, he's at the bluff! I quickly call his dad to let him know and break all driving laws to get to him because I know beyond any doubt that if I loose Ioan, I will not survive.