Black roses and dark dreams

Chapter nine: Family secrets

 I was numb. My brother had this effect on me. I couldn't explain in words what I felt when I was with him. Imagine the sea without sand, the sky without stars or moon. That's how I felt without Leo around. Hopeless was how I felt for the last two years.

When I saw him there, standing in front of me, with a huge, bright smile on his face, asking me if I missed him with a soft, playful voice, I wanted to cry, scream, kiss him and kill him at the same time. I never understood why. Why did he let me there. He knew what my father did to me. He knew how many times he spent his money on me, so I could stay somewhere else for a night, because he was afraid that he couldn't stop my father from killing me, making me bleed or letting me pregnant.

Why? It was all I wanted to know.

I hold him tighter. I didn't want to let him go anymore.

'' Why, Leo? Why did you gave up on me? '' I whispered as I was crying. He was gently rubbing my back.

'' You couldn't live with me baby... I lived on the streets. I worked every day. Everywhere I could. That wasn't life. You know I love you. I missed you so much. Where did you live? '' I hesitated. Before he left he made me promise that I will not go back in that house, no matter what. Which is exactly what I did.

'' Home... ''

'' Alessia, what? '' He pulled himself off the hug and looked at me angry.

'' I didn't have a choice, Leo. I had nowhere to go. I was alone. ''

'' What did he do to you ? ''

'' It doesn't matt- ''

'' No, Less! It does. This is my fault, so tell me. ''

'' He didn't hit me anymore. '' I knew that will not make him feel any better. He wasn't responsible, but he felt like it. I felt awful because he felt guilty.

'' Leo... Is not your fault. Even if you wanted, you couldn't have done anything. Our father- ''

'' He's not our father, Less. Not after all he did to you. ''

'' Us. After all he did to us. Stop pretending that I'm the only victim here. Did you forget what you've been through ? ''

'' It doesn't matter that he hit me once or twice. You are my little sister. It is my job to take care of you.'' 

I couldn't really talk with anybody about my father, or what he did to me. As a teenager I got used with the yelling, fights and with being raped. It became easy in time. I got the idea: in, close your eyes, hold the tears, new wound, out. It was an every day thing. Crying myself to sleep wasn't anything new to me. Sometimes I even waked up shouting my brother's name.

'' We're done with this subject... For now. Tell me, where do you live? '' I let out a laugh in frustration.

'' Long story, I'll tell you everything later. Where do you live? ''

'' I have my own place. It was a long road, but I finally have everything I need. Come on, let's go to my place. ''

'' We can't. I was supposed to go to a friend. I already called him and told him I'll spend the night there. ''

'' Interesting. A friend with benefits. You go girl! You need a little action. '' I punched him in the chest and we both started laughing.

'' I'm not sleeping with him. It's a long story and I don't know where to start from. ''

'' With the beginning my girl, start with the beginning. ''

'' Ok, here we go. When I came to New York I visited Jax. I was staying at a hotel with the hope that I'll find a job as a photographer somewhere. When I realized I don't afford to stay there I asked Jax to let me stay with him and his girlfriend. They broke up and she set our apartment on fire. ''