Is this how it used to be? I mean...it's not all bad. It's easier but at the same time THIS,...what used to be normal to me...isn't anymore. And I guess maybe that's why it seems like I've changed because yeah, for sure I have changed in general ways I could say to most people but when told "I fell in love with the you that was in high-school", I just felt like you didn't know the real me to begin with. And to be fair, you didn't. But I never really thought about how much Ive changed. Ive wondered if I had but I guess now its becoming a realization. Yes, I still stand by the idea of having it go back to how it used to be for me, how it is now. So if this is what I wanted I should be happy right? Well. The main reason I think I wanted it to be this way is because it was easier and she wasn't around anymore. I was tired of it all. But...if it being this way means shes not around anymore and this world...or life style, that I was becoming accustomed to isn't a part of me anymore....then maybe I take it back. Weird was the norm for me so now "normal" seems so...foreign. Back then I used a question who I was all the time because I didn't know and I had no answers at all. But now I do have answers. I know who I'm supposed to be... But knowing this just makes me question every single action I do or have ever done and it's almost as if I don't even feel like me anymore. I don't even know what being me is supposed to feel like. Yes that contradicts itself but it makes sense in my head. Its confusing.
YOU ARE READING
I suck at life
RandomIm not good at saying whats on my mind...or expressing myself in general. So I'll write I guess. Something that let's me know this is real, no matter how I feel about any of it. If you suffer from depression etc. this is my trigger warning.
