Author's Note:
Merry Christmas!!
I know I promised a final chapter and an epilogue, but I've come to the conclusion that I can't do both. This is the last you'll be reading of this book; it's a mixture of both - it takes place a while after the previous chapter, so it's kinda like an epilogue.
Sorry :( Thanks for reading.
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In life, you can be placed in situations that leave you feeling utterly conflicted.
You can be dead and still have a beating heart.
You can have your head in the clouds and still have your feet on the ground.
You can be lost and still know exactly where you are.
You can be frozen in time and not know what to do but still move on with your life.
What you believe depends on how you think, whether it be realistically or dramatically. I've always been one to think realistically - I know I'm alive, I know I'm on Earth, I know where I am, and I know life goes on - but I can't shake the feeling of confliction.
As I was being pulled away from the last thing I'd ever loved, I knew I'd never live again, that I'd never be the same.
While some may say that's thinking dramatically, I say it's both dramatic and realistic. It's true that I'll never be the same - I knew I'd never be the same the second I laid eyes on Luke in that mall. As for the never living again... You don't know the feeling unless you've experienced it for yourself. Losing someone is like ripping your heart out of your chest while simultaneously getting slapped in the face - very painful to say the least.
While I didn't actually die, it didn't do any good for my health. I stopped eating and sleeping - not enough to kill me, but enough to say I wasn't exactly living either.
I suffered from depression for a while. The thought of letting go completely crossed my mind many times, but I cowered away from that too, as I did with my duty of being an alpha. I conjured up the idea that I was too cowardly to do anything and covered myself with a blanket of depression, concealing myself in the depths of my own mind.
I blamed myself. More than anything, I felt as if I caused Luke's demise; as if I had done more harm staying with Luke than if I had left him for good.
As I reflect, I realize that it wasn't I that killed Luke but my obsessive parents that wouldn't take 'no' as an answer. Had they been as unloving and unfaithful as I thought they were, this catastrophe wouldn't have occurred. Love is as much a gift as it is a curse, and I learned this the hard way.
The good thing I leaned from my unfortunate experience is that life goes on. Long after the leaves of trees wither, die, and fall to the ground, the tree grows on and its life cycle continues, growing a new batch of leaves to replace the old forgotten ones. Life goes on.
After I stopped blaming and hating myself, I was able to move on. While I'll never be the girl I once was, I'm a stronger woman. I have a pack of wolves behind me, and nothing to stop me from advancing forward into a new era of my life.
I've learned how to lead the Red Mountain pack confidently instead of nervously, which took much time and reasurrance. I'm not near as good of a leader as Luke, but I doubt anyone will ever be, regardless of how long and hard they try. Luke was something special, something great. I just wish the pack - our pack - will put as much faith in me as I have in them. They're capable of doing great things, regardless of the inexperienced ex-rogue with a minimal sense of loyalty leading them.
YOU ARE READING
Unraveling Rogue
LobisomemRaquel wasn't born a rogue. She was abandoned by her birth parents and left for dead when a rogue wolf found her and raised her as her own. When Raquel learns about mates, she wants to find hers. But, when the time comes, is she willing to give up h...
