Saving Rose

Squidgy

Chapter named after the famous squid: Of Mice & Men's mascot basically!! :) SQUIDGY IS AWESOME!!

If you were gonna leave this world, how could it be without me? - PTV in The Boy Who Could Fly. Sorry, I just really love that line.

(This chapter picks up exactly where the last one left off)

Sorry it's a bit short...

After Jaime leaves, Austin comes right after. I guess he was waiting the whole time. He looks a bit... Pissed. Ugh, great. He's angry. Which means I'm going to get a lecture. I automatically groan and he raises his arms in exasperation. Yup, he's in a bad mood. Doesn't he realize he's making this worse?

"Seriously? Already groaning in annoyance at me? 'Cause I'm done," Austin rants, and I shrink back a little bit. What put him in a bad mood? Why is he mad at me?

I'm confused. Done with what? I get a bad feeling in my stomach. Either I'm paranoid, or this is his breaking point. I don't want to lose Austin; he's my best friend. Maybe I should be a little nicer to him. Groaning was a bit rude, I guess.

"Austin," I start, trying to apologize, but he cuts me off sharply.

"No! No excuses! You fucking tried to kill yourself. You almost DIED! And you didn't think about how it would affect others, did you?" He shouts, and my heart drops to my stomach. Oh.

I'm suddenly worried about my friends. And Jaime. Did I go too far? Did I hurt them? Jaime just seemed glad to have me back. He was so supportive! How could I have known?

Suddenly, Austin's mood changes, and he closes the space in between us and pulls me into a hug. I immediately hug back, glad to have my best friend back. It's kind of awkward because of the tubes and machines surrounding me, but he doesn't mind apparently.

"I was so worried. Your heart stopped. Four times. You were dead for more than 10 minutes. Dead. Your heart wasn't beating!" Austin says, and I feel something wet on my cheek. I instinctively reach up to wipe it away. More tears follow, gently rolling down my cheeks. Why didn't Jaime tell me? I died! I... I almost made it.

But I'm going to give this a second chance, I remind myself. I'm not going to try to kill myself again. Unless this doesn't work out maybe...

"Also, he didn't want me to tell you, but I'm trusting you. Another girl died-" he says, and I gasp and interrupt him.

"Was it... Me?" I ask, the last part barely a whisper. I can't help it; I have to know. Even it it ends up being the death of me.

Austin shakes his head, and I sigh. I'm just tired of things being my fault, at this point.

Austin leans back, lightly shaking my shoulders. "You need to take care of yourself. Okay?" He pleads, and I take a while to respond. Eventually, I nod. I'll give myself a second chance.

"You have to eat all your food. Oh, and about that..." Austin trails off, an I know that my lecture is coming. It's inevitable.

"Andy says that you didn't look like you wanted to eat at the picnic. After Jaime left from visiting you a little while ago, he realized that you've been skinnier lately. Tony says that whenever the guys are gone, not much food goes missing. He just figured that you bought food. You didn't, did you?" Austin pauses to ask me, and I timidly shake my head. I'm busted.

"We're all worried about you. You do realize that because of this, we're gonna be watching you a lot more closely, right?" Austin says cautiously, and I nod, playing with the hospital bracelet, waiting until he's done talking to say anything.

"So, now it's you turn," Austin says. I'm confused for a moment, and he notices, adding, "Talk."

I nod in understanding. Where should I begin? I know I should tell Austin. He usually knows what to do and makes me feel better. Also, I owe it to him. He needs to know.

"Well, I just wanted to be skinnier. The doctor, who is a total jerk face, said that I passed out a lot quicker 'cause of that. Honestly, I didn't think that it was gonna make that much of a difference. I didn't realize how much it did." I say, and stop for a moment so Austin can actually process everything that I'm saying. He doesn't look too worried.

"I felt really bad about the girl dying all because of me. I kinda... I kind of felt like I had to die so that she and I were even. Like, me letting her have revenge for me being the reason she died. I felt terrible, and I just, well... I feel like I just mess a lot of things up," I confess, and Austin hugs me again, stroking my hair. I relax, letting him comfort me.

"It's not your fault. It's Reilly's fault. All of it. You're an amazing person. You're a good person. You don't hurt people. You shouldn't feel guilty. You never mess anything up," Austin says, making me feel a lot better. He always knows just what to say. Even if it might not be completely true, I let him convince me this time.

We just kind of sit in silence for a while, and he looks around the room. He seems interested in the stuffed animals, which actually makes me crack a smile. And he claims he's tough, mature, and manly. Yeah, right.

"Oh," he suddenly exclaims, jumping up strangely. I give him a weird look, and he smiles. Then giggles. Oh, dear. I wonder what's going on. Giggling is never a good sign. Especially with adult males.

"SQUIDGY!!!! He cries, pulling a stuffed... Squidgy... From a backpack I didn't notice before.

I can't help but laugh, since it's so... Austin. It's adorable. I smile, thanking him right away.

I hug the cute little stuffed animal, looking at it. It's very colorful. It helps add color to the room. It lights up my world.

"I gotta go now, so the others can talk to you," Austin says, pulling my attention from Squidgy. I frown, but nod.

"Okay. I guess I'll see you later, then," I say, and as he's moving towards the door, I blurt out "Thanks. Really. For everything. For being there for me."

I smile at him, and he replies as he's opening the door. "Anytime. Seriously. Call me," he says, shaking his hand by his ear like a phone, and smiling childishly.

I wave as he's leaving, then lean back, smiling as I look at Squidgy. I honestly don't know if I'd still be alive right now if it weren't for Austin. I would've never made it even close to this far.