Saving Rose

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TWO WEEKS LATER IN NEVADA

(Rose is out of the hospital, and done with therapy. She only had one session, which didn't go too well, since the therapist didn't know what she was doing)

^READ^

I stare down at the empty area below me. It's late; no one else is out here. Just how I need it to be. Abandoned. So no one stops me. I just want it to end. God, I'm so tired of life.

I have to go through with this. I have to do it. I keep telling myself that things will be okay, but they're not.

Jaime and I had a fight a few hours ago. I left. 'Us' ended. He said that he didn't want to try getting close to me if I keep pushing him away. That if I don't want him to get to know me better, then we're better off just friends. Every time I'd have to see him, I know it would feel like I was dying. Our friendship wouldn't work at all. I'm positive.

He was mad at me. I fought back. Sealing the deal. Yelling and screaming. He was blaming things on me. Saying that I was selfish in trying before, and I needed to clean up my act. Austin's gone, staying with a friend to go partying with or something stupid.

I can't get yelled at if I'm dead. It'll all be over. No more pain. I can't even remember the last time I wasn't in pain. My whole life has been miserable. Except for the first few weeks with Jaime. That obviously didn't last, though.

I swing my feet, as if this is fun. As if it's just some childish game, although it's far from one. It's not that long of a way down, but I was never afraid of heights. I'm not even afraid of death, right now. I'm just tired. All my repairs were temporary. They didn't last. I feel like I've died a thousand times.

God, I'm pathetic. I can never get things right, can I? My whole life has been just slowly starting to feel safe, then suddenly, everything crashes, going back to normal. Not the normal kind of normal, either. My normal. A.K.A depression. Worthlessness. Emptiness. I can't even remember how many times I've given in and let my internal walls down. The same amount of times my happiness was ruined.

I'm scared now. I don't even know why. I'm scared of finally doing something permanent to end my pain. What if I stay alive and life gets better? What if it stays that way?

I slowly scoot back, pulling my feet up under me, standing up. I'm going to run. So that if I try to stop at the last minute, it'll be too late. I'd fall anyway.

I look around the roof of the old, abandoned building I discovered. The last thing I'll see. In my entire life. It's kind of pathetic. Well, everything about me, Rose Ashton, is pathetic.

I take a deep breath. It's not as high as I thought. Will it work? Now that my head's a bit clearer, and I can think, I'm not sure if this is the right building. I doubt it'll kill me, actually. Almost positive. I don't want a slow death. This isn't what I was looking for. It'll have to do, though. Right?

I slowly start to question my thoughts. Maybe I should think about this a little more. So I get a more thorough idea of how permanent this really is.

Suddenly, I hear footsteps. And voices. After a moment, they get a little louder. I decide to look around to find out where they're coming from. Also, how long I have to end my life before I'm stopped.

I look down below, where they're just entering the building. A few seconds later, however, they leave the building. They stand and talk a bit, probably saying goodbye or something, then all split up and walk away in different directions.

I decide to just go sit and think a little bit longer. My head's clearing up, and I'm not quite as reckless, now. I'm not even sure if I'll go through with this anymore.

I take a huge breath and turn around quickly, almost screaming. I jump backwards. My heart turns violently inside of my chest, but for multiple reasons. Because he did it. Somehow, he's here. Jaime found me. I'm speechless. I'm safe.

"I knew I'd find you here," he breathes, just before he leans in to give me a bone crushing hug. I don't fight it; it actually feels good to be hugged.

Relief washes over me as I realize what this means. Jaime still loves me. Just the thought takes my breath away, and suddenly I'm hugging back. I wonder how many times he can save me before he eventually fails. Deep down, I doubt he ever will fail. I don't really care about anything. All I know in this moment is that I'm safe again.

Suddenly, I realize something. I always felt like I was tired. I thought it was life. But what if I wasn't tired of life? What if I was tired of depression, instead? Tired of being tired?

I shake my head a little, clearing my thoughts, and snuggle closer to Jaime. He looks down at me, his dark hair sticking up and out in almost every direction, and smiles the most adorable smile ever, complete with dimples. Just that smile alone makes my stomach fill with butterflies. I think, finally, I'll be okay this time. Because of him. No matter what happens, he always catches me when I fall.